MARCH 31ST, 2017.
tom,
i was listening to a song yesterday, and it made me cry because all i could do was think about you and how separated we've become. hell, i'm sitting here, writing letters to you in hopes of you replying to me, but alas, to no avail.
the song was "human" by christina perry. it made me think about all my mistakes, the ones i'd made during the relationship. the ones we argued about and eventually made up for in the end.
i can't help but be hopeful that maybe like all our other fights, this one will end the same- with us getting together, kissing for all the minutes we missed, and holding each other in each other's embrace. you don't know how much money i'd pay for you to hug me again. you always gave the best hugs, tom. i'll give you that if nothing else.. though my love is already a lot that i've given. it seems that you don't need my love anymore.
you may be asking yourself, "why is she still writing these if she knows i'm not going to respond?"... right? it's because i can't let go, tom. i love you too much to let go over some stupid argument such as this one. my devotion to you hasn't changed, can't you see that?
i haven't been outside my house in at least three weeks. i've just been lazing around , running out of food, but i'm not willing to go to the store for anything. i've lost some weight... about thirty-forty pounds because i've been too depressed to get up. i've also gone through two bottles of wine, another bottle of whiskey, and even some tequila. all of that only helps numb the pain, but nothing can ever officially get rid of it. i think the only way to fix this would be to hear your voice. but looking at all the cute videos we took doesn't suffice- it just makes it hurt more, tom.
i still need you.
i think i'll always need you, did you know that?
the light is starting to die out within me, now that i really know we have no chance with each other. it hurts to know that i'm never going to love again. and even if many disagree and say i'll find love again, they're wrong. they don't understand how much it hurts. how much i love you. how much i still need you. they don't understand any of that since all of them are happily married and haven't really lost anyone important to them for a goddamn day in their life.
i hate that i'm missing you still.
i really do.
do me that favour i asked for a while ago and get out of my head.. out of my heart, why don't you?
from,
Lynn.
