Insecure (Completed)

33

A/N: warning: this chapter is hella short. Carry on.

Yazmine

Amari told me when we took her to the hospital, she found out she was pregnant but she wasn't ready to tell anyone. Now I was gonna have to tell her, that who she believed to be the father of her child was dead.

I didn't want to do it. I wasn't good at these kinds of conversations. I was hoping that since her and Malik's relationship had been toxic to say the least, she wouldn't be sad about his death. But, she was pregnant. Who knew how her hormones would react.

I knocked on the door to the apartment we once shared. When Amari opened the door, there was no pregnancy glow on her face. In fact, I never saw one. She was pale, and reserved. "Yaz?" She scrunched her face up.

"Yeah. We kinda need to talk."

She allowed me in. I went straight to the couch. Eyeing me nervously, she sat down too.

I took a deep breath. "Look Amari, about Malik-"

"Yaz, I don't think he would hurt me. I'm pregnant with his child," she interrupted me.

I looked at her strangely. "Amari, he put his hands on you. While you were pregnant."

"He didn't know. He ain't know I was pregnant. If I could just tell him-"

"Amari, Malik's dead!" I closed my eyes after I said my sentence. I was afraid to witness her face. I knew there had to have been something between her and Malik, regardless of how it ended. There was silence. After a few minutes of silence I opened my eyes. Amari was looking at me, but she wasn't really looking at me. She was looking through me.

"Amari-" I reached for her, but she shook me off.

"Don't," she whispered. Her eyes, though dazed were dry. This was not the reaction I expected. Not even close.

"Say something," I pleaded. She shook her head and unconsciously her hand drifted to her stomach. As if catching herself, she jerked her hand away.

"I'm here for you," I found myself saying. "You don't gotta do this alone."

Grabbing her hand, I squeezed it. We sat there in silence for a while. Just as I resigned myself to leaving her to her thoughts alone, she spoke.

"I never expected to graduate high school you know."

"What?"

"I ain't. I wasn't good at school like you Yaz. When I made it through high school, and I actually did graduate, I damn sure ain't expect to get into any college." She played with her shirt, not meeting my eyes. "I know you probably think I had life easy, getting by on my looks. I guess you never knew I was jealous of you."

"Me? You were jealous of me?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"Yeah." She gave a dry laugh. "You're smart, Yazmine. And beautiful. You were always gonna be somebody, and based off your own hard work. I planned to just marry someone, hopefully someone with money and be taken care of. But I came here, to Unity. That's when I realized maybe I could be somebody too."

"Amari..."

She finally started crying. Large tears slid out of her eyes. "But I kept fucking up. I'm so used to getting through life based off male attention. Ta'kee, Malik...I thrived off of it. I craved it Yaz. I needed it. Their approval. Validation. It wasn't about the sex. It was about feeling wanted. Niggas always made me feel wanted. I never got that anywhere else. Especially not at home."

"Amari your parents love you. I love you. You've always been wanted." I looked at her in confusion.

"My parents don't want me Yaz. My dad is too busy with his mistresses and my mom is too busy chasing after him and begging for his attention to want me."

I didn't know. "Amari I never knew..."

"You aren't supposed to know," she said bitterly. "Because the Williams's have a perfect image to maintain."

She wiped her face roughly, wiping away the tears. "I'm not dropping out of school Yaz. I'm getting this degree." She inhaled. "I'm gonna be somebody."

"Whatever you want, I'm here for you."

"I'm not having this baby."