Dysfunction (Discontinued)

Flashback 5 (Revamped)

Please listen to music linked with chapter

Plot reminder: Erik comes back from the navy and Bia notices a change.

What was the point of anything anymore . I couldn't eat, but when I did I'd gag. I could sleep but when I did it was always too long. I barely studied and poured myself into doing hair which is a technique I used to pay for my other finances. I felt nothing and my dreams were plagued with both Noel and Erik, sometimes both at once. I couldn't cry..though I wanted to. My friends tried their best to get me out of the grief- no luck.

Luck, that's exactly what I needed. I needed chance. I needed a change. It had almost been a year and a half since the incident. A year and 8 month since Erik left. They found noel's body in the middle of nowhere and ruled it as a suicide. A SUICIDE. His death was no suicide and I was almost certain Bryson had something to do with it. The abrasions to the chest I used to kiss were so deep they couldn't get it out for his burial. It was open casket and I knew I wasn't ready. I decided last minute not to go see Noel get laid to rest, I was insignificant. I was just a girlfriend. We were still getting to know each other. However the words he muttered the night of the party dug into me until I couldn't take anymore. You'd think that after an entire semester, maybe I'd be over it. After all I didn't know him well, just well enough. But I wanted to know him, I wanted to know about his scar, or why he always prays before dinner, or why he'd always check to see if I was breathing when I slept over. I wanted to know why he felt the need to readjust my pillow, or keep the bathroom light on for me at night, or slip my bonnet on for me. I wanted to know why he saw me as something I couldn't even see for myself. The open endeness of his death was what hurt the most. It took this long just to feel anything and all I was left with after being stripped down to nothing was numbness.

" Keep the good memories, learn from the bad ones, and keep. pushing. Forward ", said destiny.

Destiny believed it would be a good idea to start seeing someone else, convincing me it was time to let go. After a month of seeing Darius, I agreed to make things official. We hadn't even dry humped each other yet, only sharing a kiss. I had no desire to share my body with anyone else. I found no desire to be pleasured yet along give it. Darius didn't like that and he let me know in passive ways. He told me that every woman had needs and that there's no reason I couldn't trust him. The problem was not that I wasn't really attracted to Darius . It was him, it was me.  I didn't want our relationship to be based solely on sex or looks but seeing how admired he was on campus, this had to be about looks. There wasn't much to him, he didn't talk about black issues, he was constantly redoing his hair, and his phone stayed locked at all times when he wasn't taking pictures.

I'd be moving off campus to a small apartment near the city. Darius helped me pack up my things, telling me how I could load everything into his truck and that I didn't need a U-Haul. A knock on my door alerted me to go open it. Opening it there I saw him. In all his 6ft glory. Erik Stevens....stood at my door almost like a ghost from the past.

Now I felt something.

And after him barging his way in, scaring off Darius and taking me against the wall, and then in my bedroom all night, I found myself waking up. I felt like I was in a silent black and white film while he was gone but now I was living in color. Despite his good sex, dirty promises, and his roughness it didn't stop me from trying to kick him out. That only ended up in more touching, more kissing, more dirty promises and more bruises to my hips and hickies to my neck. He fucked me so good, deep, and hard that night I almost decided to put the past behind us. It was unlike anything I had felt before, even from him and our previous rendezvous. Through our short glimpses at each in between positions, the passion in his eye was almost scary enough for me to push him away but I didn't. I needed it bad. I needed it so bad that I blew all caution to the wind letting him stay at my new apartment. He helped me finish packing and I finally rented my U-haul moving off campus.