BTS LOVE YOURSELF - THE NOTES (ENGLISH TRANSLATION)

'tear' Taehyung's Notes °20 May Year 22°

Year 22
20 May
*WARNING. SENSITIVE CONTENT*
This is nothing like
the previous notes

I cast my gaze down to my hands.
They were wet.
They were covered in blood.

My legs threatened to give out on me.
But someone hugged me tightly from behind, holding me upright.
A foggy stream of sunlight filtered through the window.

Nona was crying.
Hoseok stood in the corner, silent.
Blankets, cleaning products.
The usual household things were lying around the room.

My father had stood in front of me moments before.
But where was he now?
I couldn't remember how he'd managed to escape
the room without me noticing.

I'd charged at my father no long ago.
The anger, pain and sadness I'd felt then was still
with me now, weighing me down.
I don't know what had possessed me enough to
give me the willingness to charge towards my father.

To stab him even.

My heart refused to calm down.

I didn't want to kill my father.
I wanted to kill myself.
If I was strong enough to, that is.
Then I'd already have done it by now.

I couldn't do anything.
I wanted to cry.
To scream.
To break things.
To kick things.
To break my spirit.
But I couldn't do it.
I had no more tears to shed for my father.

In contrast to my turbulent heart, my voice
came out hollow and strangely calm.
"Hyung.
I'm sorry.
I'm okay.
So...
Go. Please."

My voice was no longer my own.
I had now become a different person.

Hyung left unwillingly, leaving me to stare down at my bloodied hands.
Blood had begun to seep through the white bandage.

I never hit my father.
Instead I'd thrown a liquor bottle to the ground.
The bottle shattered.
My palm was ripped open.

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply.
But the world continued to spin around me.

What was I supposed to think?
What was I supposed to do?
How was I supposed to live?

I opened my eyes.
I attempted to come to my senses.
I dialed Namjoon Hyung' s phone number.
I was desperate for his support.
I needed him here.

I wanted to tell him what I was about to do.
That I was going to kill the man that had bore me.
The man that had beaten me up daily.
The father that I was about to kill.
That I was seriously going to murder.

But. No.
I'd already killed him.
In my heart.
Countless times.
Over and over and over and over again.

I wanted to kill him.
But I also wanted to die.

What I'm doing now...I haven't done before.
I don't know how to kill. How to do anything.
Hyung, I need you now.
I need your help.

Your dear ARMY translator has
decided to cry because of this note.
(This note is a direct reference to RUN, I'm telling you)