Opalescent

Chapter 24: Emerald

• -Ollie- •

I am sitting on the edge of my bed, my heart aching, but I tell it to get over itself. All I wanted is to comfort her and now I'm just confused. Why does she not trust me enough? I never give her any reason not too. Do I?

I feel so pathetic. I'm on the verge of tears, but I can't cry. If I do that means I've lost at trying to help her and trying to show her I can love her. Maybe that's a strong word to use, but I know I love her. I've known since that day in her backyard. Since that day in the hospital.

It broke me seeing her so broken. Now, look at me, I'm sitting here mopping, but I have no clue what to do. I don't know how she feels.

Lazily, I reach over for my phone on my bedside table. Unlocking it, I search up a wikipedia website on self-harm. Soon I'm on a website on depression. The more I read the more I realize this is what Opal is dealing with.

I never bothered putting a name on what the symptoms she's showing mean. I've not even thought about what all this meant. All I know is she's been self-harming and that breaks me. I just wanted to know why. Now I know and I'm not even there to help her. I couldn't stop myself from putting the blame on me.

I force myself to focus on the article again and soon I'm searching up how to help someone who's feeling depressed.

First thing, it says I have to change my perspective. I realize that I dont actually know anything about feeling depressed. I've felt sadness before but I realize now depression is different from crying over embarrassing myself whilst trying to order off the phone because of autism. It is a different pain. Something that you won't understand until you've been through it.

Second thing the article says, is to keep communication open. Well, I messed that step up already.

The third thing is to just listen. It's to just be there for them. Now, this had me feeling something in my chest because I listened but I don't understand what happened back there in her house.

I started to feel useless. I couldn't help but to cry. Why did she blow up on me like that? I was listening, wasn't I?

A burning feeling started to rise in my chest making me sob as quietly as I can. I quickly go out of the stupid site and dial Fay's number. I just want to stop thinking.

I can't help Opal when I, myself, am starting to feel pretty hopeless.

Fay answers after the third ring. "Hi, Ollie." Her voice sounds the slightest bit ashamed, making me remember our last conversation. But after everything that's happened, I could barely care about that conversation.

"Can Ollie come over? It's okay i-if you're busy," I say, trying my hardest to keep the sadness out of my voice.

"Yeah, of course. Is everything okay?" she asks in a small voice.

"No, but Ollie d-does... not want talk about it." After all this time we've been best friends I could not lie to her. That's the one thing I will never do to her, my parents and Opal.

I could never lie to them.

"Okay, that's fine. Just know I'm here for you. Even if you want to talk about Opal," she replies. I always knew I can count on her. "Oh, you should know Rosalyn is here too. She wants to meet you, by the way."

"O-okay."

"Don't be nervous. She's nice. Okay, I'm going to close the phone now so you don't chicken out on me. Love you!" Even though my heartbeat started to rise at the thought of meeting someone knew, I smiled thinking of how weird Fay is. She just had a way of making me smile even if I was crying a second before.

Just that makes me remember that time when me and Opal were helping Fay pick an outfit and I was sneakily kissing her cheek. Just that makes my smile widen with a sad feeling still being held in my heart. I want her back. I want her, and I want her happy.

______________________

I park Mom's old car in Fay's driveway and pull out the keys, shutting the radio off in the process. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I open my car door at the same time. I reach over for my phone that was lazily tossed on the passenger's seat.

I get out the car and make my way to the front door, and press on the doorbell. The sound of a lock twisting is making me feel nervous again, but there is nothing to do about that now.

I watch as the door is opened and Fay's mom welcomes me in before telling me that Fay and Rosalyn are in her room. I hear her shut the door behind me as I make my way up the staircase and go inside the first door to the left. I already know where everything is after all this time of being that close to her.

I can feel my heart start to speed up at the thought of meeting someone new. Especially someone I want to impress. I can't have Fay's girlfriend hating me.

I breathe out before knocking and opening the door to her room.

A/N
Hi. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry it's not edited though. I've been busy doing other things and I wanted to post this chapter today. So please don't forget to vote for this if you liked it. Love you!