ME: THE WEIRD, CRAZY ONE

SIX HOUR, BUGGIN, ROAD TRIP

.... yup. We're headin to Rollen (I think I spelled that right), Missouri to look at a college for mah big bro, but I'm taggin along too for future me. Dis shall be fun....

I'M BOOOORRREEEDD.

Also... can I not grow up? I'm barely getting through high school alive.. and I don't even know if I want to go to college 😂. Heck, I dont even know what I wanna do for a job! I'm dreading this whole thing called life, if ya can't tell. Really.. it's only cuz I don't wanna mess it up or waste it..

Can I just go hide away to a conifer forest in Canada, isolated, surviving on my wits and strength... haha like I have wits n strength 😂

Cut myself off from the world and the painful people in it, not having to worry about money, or my trust issues, or anything at all. Just hide away relaxing with my floofs the wolves. Animals are cool... my best friends would be the wolves, eating, sleeping, hunting, surviving. They'd adopt me into their pack and we'd snuggle together under the towering pine trees, with no care in the world, relaxed, carefree, soaking up the warm sun. Not having to worry about the pressures of this world to amount to something. Just flitting around on an everyday adventure in the woods, happily, the unatainable weight of approval off my shoulders.

Just hide myself away, not having to try n be something, not worrying about money, or relying on human things. Just me, alone, finally. Me and the wolves, I can be my introverted self.

And this world doesn't need another zoologist.. or animator.. or doctor.. or artist.. or vetrinarian.. or biologist.. or computer programmer. They have literally a billion of those!! You don't get to pave out my life. You dont get to hand me these choices and passions, saying choose. Cuz I can't choose. I can't

HOWBOUT. NO. HOWBOUT I CHOOSE NONE...

F$CK YOU WORLD. Leave me be!

I DON'T NEED YOUR PRESSURE, I DON'T NEED IT AT ALL! I DON'T NEED TO MEET THOSE STANDARDS, EVEN IF I AM CONSIDERED A FAILURE IF I REFUSE TO. IT'S MY LIFE, I don't need to be considered nothing, and be thrown to the side if I don't do what you all laid out for me, world.
I'm somethin new. Somethin that doesn't need a job to survive, hoping someone'll like me. I'm independant, a rising lone island, a new breed. I'm somethin that doesn't need to be fast enough to make a time, somethin who doesn't need to get straight A's to be worth somethin, somethin who JUST BLOODY DOESN'T CARE!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK,  I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SEE. I DON'T CARE!!

THIS IS ME.

F$CK OFF WORLD. F%CK OFF....

I don't care anymore.. I really don't.

See, world? This is what you do to us.. put so much pressure, so much stress, so high of expectations laid out for us, and it just overwhelms us to the state where... we just give up. Where we try and try but can't do it. Where we're not enough.. no matter what we do.

We're all hopeless.. so screw off and leave me alone. I don't need you and your bs. Bug off.

You don't know me, ya buggin judgemental world. I'm priceless.... somehow. Ik I am, in the eyes of God. I don't know how He thinks so, cuz I mean look at me, I'm a broken peice of crap 😂, but he does. I'm loved forever and that's enough for me.. I don't need you to tell me who I am, I find my worth in Christ.

No matter how many times I mess up, or screw Him over and betray Him.. he still loves me. He is my best friend.

...He's my strength. I'm weak, I'm broken, I'm incapable of doing anything really. I can't... but He can.

I can't hide away though.. no matter how much I want to. I can't.

Sorry y'all im kinda sufferin through some stuff rn, I need to stop getting in these emotional rants.. 😂