unlucky (newtmas)

31

The lake that day was breathtaking. The water was glass-like, reflecting the surrounding scenery perfectly. The trees seemed especially green, the moss especially poignant, the birds especially quiet, and the water especially cold.

It was December and the wind was stinging my nose. We didn't get snow in Florida but the temperatures had taken a definitive dip lately. Newt and I were both bundled up tightly, but the change in temperature was still noticeable as a soft breeze worked its way beneath my clothing.

We had no intention of swimming. We rarely ever did when we came here. The lake was a place for us to talk without sitting still. As we clambered over uprooted trees, through brambles and branches, beneath steep in-cuts of land, we found that it was easier to speak freely here than anywhere else--accept, as I had discovered Monday night, maybe Newt’s rooftop. We were alone here, and this was our place.

“I can't stay long,” I said as we skirted along the water’s edge. This was Newt’s favorite part of the lake, though he never said it. It was full of foliage and wild flowers, and his face lit with barely concealed excitement whenever we approached.

“Why?” Newt asked, picking up a flower. He handed it to me and then quickly stuffed his hand in his pocket again.

I sighed. “My mom wants me to finalize all my college applications. She wants it all done before Christmas.”

Newt’s back was to me. It took him a moment to reply. “But Christmas isn't for two weeks?”

“Yeah,” I said. I dropped the flower. “But there’s still a lot I have to do. It’s hard making myself sound appealing when there isn't much about me that is.”

Newt stopped immediately. He turned and frowned. “That's not true,” he said.

I rolled my eyes, suddenly thankful that the wind had reddened my cheeks enough to hide my blush.

“Thank you, Newt, but colleges don't exactly agree,” I replied. He was quiet, turning to walk again. We trudged forward for another few moments before I spoke up, “This is probably all so easy for you. You’ve done, like, everything right since the first grade.”

“Kindergarten, actually,” Newt teased lightly.

I smiled. It was then that I realized that this was the first time Newt and I had ever talked about the future, about what might come next. It was strange, because he had become such a constant in my life in such a short amount of time, that imagining that we might actually be splitting ways in a few months seemed terribly odd. My stomach twisted painfully.

“Where are you applying?” I asked him.

Newt was quiet. He continued to move forward, leading me along. His head was bent and I waited, but as the silence stretched on and he continued to ignore my question, my eyebrows furrowed.

“I don't think--I don't think I’m going to apply anywhere,” he said in a very small voice after a very long time. I stopped in my tracks. “Maybe County college?”

“What?” I asked, completely caught off guard.

Newt stopped too, avoiding my gaze as he turned around. He licked his lips, staring at the ground between us. “School’s just...not really my thing, I guess.”

“Bullshit,” I said, stepping forward. “You’re the biggest nerd I know.”

Newt looked like he attempted a weak smile, but gave up halfway through. His eyes stayed glued to the ground as I drew even closer until I was standing less than a foot away. His head was lowered as if he were ashamed.

“What’s really going on, Newt?” I asked as the wind picked up, sending an icy blast between us. My voice had softened and it caused Newt to look up, to meet my heavy gaze. He held it for a few moments in silence.

“It used to be so much easier to lie to you,” he said. His voice was so quiet it almost got carried away by the breeze.

My eyebrows furrowed again. “Tell me the truth then. Please.”

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but closed it with an almost defeated sigh. He tried again, but still nothing came out. I watched him silently, waiting patiently.

“My mom--” he cut himself off. Swallowed roughly. Looked away. “It's just--” he stopped again. It was painful to watch.

“I can't leave here,” he finally managed. I wanted to know everything going on in his head. I settled with, “why?”

The lake was silent and still and even the wind seemed to hold its breath. Newt looked like he was trying for words but couldn't find any at all. He met my eyes again, and shook his head in defeat.

I stepped even closer. Now our chests were almost touching and Newt was forced to look at my chin to avoid my eyes. I reached up, ignored the cold on the skin of my hands, placed my hands softly on the back of his neck. He tilted his head back obediently. His warm breath mingled with mine.

“Just kiss me, please,” Newt finally croaked. Of all the words in the world, those were the only ones he could manage. He leaned in, and although I was reluctant to forget the conversation, I leaned in too, and I kissed him.