The Perfect Emma

Chapter Fifty-Three

Emma Carroll

Emma's heart pounded after Grayson had leaned down to kiss her. However... it wasn't pounding in love or affection.

It was pounding in fear.

She felt what was, quite literally for the first time, fear towards Grayson.

Except - it wasn't Grayson she had feared. It was Aaron. Aaron was always the one that brought fear to her - she just happened to see aspects of Aaron in other people. Grayson just happened to pull it out by kissing her. She hadn't kissed anyone... since Aaron.

Gray happened to turn away, avoiding to look at her after the kiss. He couldn't see the fear in her wide eyes as she stared at him. "I'm sorry," Gray murmured, running his hand across his face.

However, Emma couldn't process his words. Not.. completely. His words seemed like a blur in general. Her breathing began to pick up as her panic attack began to increase. At the sound of her increased breathing, Grayson glanced over.

Confusion was wiped off his face and quickly replaced with concern. "Fuck," He muttered under his breath. "I shouldn't have done that-" Grayson raised up his hands to touch her but paused. He likely hesitated for a moment, recognising that this panic attack was, technically, his fault.

Once again, his words and actions seemed like a blur as it flowed in one ear and out the other. Emma merely shook slightly as her breathing continued to grow heavy. Eventually, Emma stumbled backwards from Grayson and stepped inside the apartment, tripping over to the couch.

Grayson followed after in concern. He bit his knuckle in his own form of panic as he watched Emma, likely feeling helpless and guilty for the reason she was acting this way.

Though, Emma couldn't really notice his actions all that much to begin with. Instead, she was trapped inside of her own head again like she had been hundreds of times before. She curled up against the back of the couch as she breathed, her chest pounding. She found herself stuck time and time again back in Aaron's basement. Back to where he hurt her time and time again.

Minutes passed. Lots and lots of minutes passed until Emma felt like she was getting pulled out from that dark place. Her breathing was regulated once again and she wasn't shaking - though she was able to process things again.

The first thing she did process was the fact that there was a blanket wrapped around her. More specifically, the blue fuzzy blanket that she gave Grayson a few weeks ago. Emma grasped the blanket and hugged it against her, raising up her gaze slightly to find Gray hunched over on the other single-seat couch. He rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands with clear frustration and anger towards himself.

For a moment Emma questioned why he seemed so frustrated until the reason why she had a panic attack set in.

Grayson had kissed her.

Initial response to his action of course set her into a panic attack. She had far too much history with Aaron kissing her and parading her around as his wife for a romantic gesture like that to not throw her back into her past.

...But a romantic gesture like that had a different meaning from Grayson. For one thing, it was likely much more than just a simple kiss. The kiss was likely, in a sense, his way of showing his affection towards her. Gray's way of opening himself up and accepting the idea of being in another relationship after his last wife. Hell, it was something that, now that Emma thought about it more, she would likely enjoy. Sure, there would be bumps and hurdles given his history and most definitely her own... but it would be nice.

Though Grayson likely had no fucking clue.

A normal reaction would have been to kiss him back as an acceptance to his affection. Or, you know, something other than a panic attack. Sure, it could be one hell of a funny story later in the future - though it probably wasn't a nice thing to be on the other end of.

As Arthur had said, Emma just had to be special.

Ha.

"Grayson." Emma spoke his name softly, essentially getting his attention and letting him know that she was back to herself again.

Gray shot his head up and stared over towards Emma. His face was full of frustration towards himself and concern towards Emma. He lowered his hands down to rest his forearms on his knees. "Emma..." He said her name softly with a slight frown. "Fuck." He closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have done that."

Emma sat herself up slightly from the couch but remained sitting. She kept the blanket wrapped around herself and leaned forward slightly to pat the seat next to her on the couch. Listening, Grayson stood up and stepped over to Emma. He sat himself down next to her and frowned. Even sitting, he continued to tower over her.

Instead of using her words, Emma began to tug the blanket over to make more room. She left it not only on her lap but spread it out to go over his lap as well. Then, she shifted her body slightly so that she was leaning against him.

Grayson stiffened slightly at the gesture, likely not entirely certain how to take it. He didn't exactly want to set her off into another panic attack, after all. Carefully, making certain that she was fine, Gray reached out his arm around her and rested his hand on her upper arm. Emma merely wrapped her arms around his torso. "I'm sorry," Emma eventually said.

"...What on God's Earth do you have to be sorry for, Emma?" Grayson murmured while squeezing her upper arm softly after becoming more comfortable that he wasn't going to set her off again.

Emma let out a soft sigh. "Well, I had an attack. And if I didn't have an attack..." She paused for a moment to which Grayson immediately interjected.

"Your panic attacks are not your fault." Gray said firmly. "It's the bastard that's about to be locked up for life. Not yours."

Emma smiled softly at his immediate statement towards Aaron. Then, she continued her initial sentence. "...And if I didn't have an attack I could have kissed you back."

Grayson paused for a moment trying to process her words. Eventually, he spoke. "...What?"

Cocking her eyebrow up, Emma turned to stare up at him from next to her. He was already looking down at her. "I think you already heard me." She said with a twinge of sass in her voice.

Grayson smiled softly as he squeezed her arm. He leaned down slightly and pressed his temple against hers - though he didn't dare to go in to kiss her again. He learned his lesson once already from that and he didn't want to dare try that again. At least, not yet.

Kissing, as well as other forms of romantic affection, were things she would likely have to work on with Doctor Simon.

Emma raised up her hand and placed it on top of Grayson's knee. She squeezed his knee softly and continued to lean against him warmly. It was clear now more than ever that he was affectionate towards her - if he wasn't already before.

The only challenge would be how affectionate Emma could be back and how long it would take her to get back to a normal level.

Though it was awkward to say, Emma wasn't sure how else to tell him without using her voice. She couldn't exactly kiss him. "I like you, too." Emma eventually murmured softly. She squeezed his knee lightly before pulling her hand away and back to her lap. "But... I'm going to be slow with... whatever this is." Emma gestured slightly between both herself and Grayson. "I have to be with... Aaron and..."

Grayson shook his head and squeezed Emma's arm. "Enough about Aaron," He murmured quietly, hugging Emma against himself softly. "We can go as slow as you need." Gray raised up his hand from her upper arm and softly placed it against her head. He ran his fingers comfortingly through her hair before lowering it back down to her shoulder.

Emma merely smiled.