Nirrin (Forestfolk, Book 3)

Chapter 28a

Something poked at my arm through the tent wall, nudging me awake. It was still dark out. I brushed at my arm, hoping it wasn't a big, hairy spider.

Nirrin?

I sat up and nearly spoke aloud. Tessia! I was worried about you.

I know. I'm sorry.

What happened?

I heard a sigh from the other side of the tent wall.

Only one person had caused me that many sighs. Let me guess, Niralessa.

She wanted me to . . . She paused, and I imagined her face downcast with shame. She wanted me to get into Sember's head, to tell her what Sember was thinking. To help her find the right angle.

I didn't have to ask what kind of angle she was talking about. I pressed my lips together. This was beyond manipulative, even for Niralessa.

Did you? I asked.

I didn't want to, but I had to give her something. I could hear the distress in her voice. The guilt. I stuck to superficial things, like her thoughts on food. She thinks about food a lot. Did you know that?

I chuckled softly. No wonder the conversation hovered around food for so long. You did a good thing. You kept her private thoughts private. Don't feel bad about that.

What can I do? she practically wailed. I don't want to do that again, but I don't want those tribe people dying either.

My hands balled into fists. This was wrong on so many levels. Words began tumbling through my head. Words I wanted to scream at the green woman who was inexplicably my mother.

This could not wait until morning.

Right now? asked Tessia, who, of course, knew what I planned to do.

Yup. I pulled on my moccasins and crawled out of the tent.

I don't think you should wake her.

Well, I don't think she should be making you do things you don't want to do.

I stomped to Niralessa's tent. I heard the scurrying of Tessia's footsteps as she trailed behind, afraid to follow too closely.

Without hesitation, I pushed through the tent flap and glared into the darkness. "Niralessa," I called out in an angry whisper, not wanting to wake anyone else.

There was a flash of movement, and I was suddenly on the ground with something cold and sharp against my neck.

I gulped, which didn't help the situation at my neck.

Maybe Tessia had been right about this.

"It's me, Nirrin," I whispered, careful to remain absolutely still.

The knife was instantly pulled away, replaced by a warm hand. "I'm sorry," Niralessa said as she probed my neck for injury. "You appear to be unharmed."

"Barely," I muttered, sitting up.

"You should never sneak up on an Aberration."

"For the last time, you're not—" I stopped at her exasperated sigh.

"Nirrin, what do you want? It's late."

I managed to recover from the shock of nearly being killed by my own mother, and also recover some of my previous anger. "You forced Tessia to read my friends' minds for you."

I felt her stiffen in the dark. "I didn't force her to do anything."

"Fine, coerced her, then. She's a good person, Niralessa. She doesn't want to do those kinds of things."

I heard her inhale a long, slow breath. "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do."

I heard the double meaning behind her softly spoken words, like maybe she wasn't just talking about Tessia.

"You don't have to resort to violence," I said.

"I won't allow another Aberration to be killed," she vowed.

"I'm not saying there aren't stupid people out there, but you can't go around killing people for being ignorant."

She huffed and batted a stray pelt aside. "They can't hurt anyone else if they're dead."

I heard it in her voice. The pain. It ran so deep, I feared there was no end to it. But I had to try. Had to get through to her somehow. Maybe I could try a different approach. "Mother," I said, testing the word on my lips. It felt strange.

She shifted. Faced me more fully.

"You weren't expecting to have a Normal child. So you got rid of me." To my surprise, the words no longer tore at my heart.

Her breath hitched. "Nirrin—"

I didn't let her finish. "I don't hold that against you. Not anymore." I paused, searching deep within myself. I'd been holding on to this resentment for so long, never examining it or voicing it while growing up. But it festered there all the same. Niggled in the back of my mind like a silent insect. Maybe it was time I set it free.

"I forgive you." As I said it, I knew it to be true. Something lifted inside me, unburdening me. "I forgive you," I said again in a whisper, the words curling through my mind and unshackling the bitterness that used to live there. "And I thank you. For the life I have."

I wished I could see her face, but it was too dark inside that tent. I could only hear her faster intake of breath.

When she didn't speak, I ventured on. "You're right. What's right or wrong isn't up to me, and I certainly can't dictate that to you. You and your people didn't have choices about the things that happened to you. But give Tessia that choice now. Let her decide what she wants, without guilt or threats. Give her the thing that most of you didn't have: a chance to choose."

I wish I could be that eloquent with my thoughts. You know what I CAN do though? VOTE!