Nirrin (Forestfolk, Book 3)

Chapter 25b

Was I being selfish? Was I craving Fen's company without thinking about what was best for him? But . . . why wasn't I best for him?

My dress snagged on a thorny bush, forcing me to stop. "Gah!" I started yanking on the material. "This is so stupid! What am I doing here?"

Nirrin? Tessia's hesitant voice echoed in my head.

I looked around, but saw only dense foliage.

Are you all right?

"Not really," I grumbled, finally freeing my dress from the grabby bush. "Where are you?"

On our rock by the stream.

An unbidden smile crept through my frustration. She thought of it as our rock.

As I picked my way over there, I realized something. My trip here hadn't been a complete waste of time. My mother might not want me around here, but I did meet a wonderful friend. Someone I'd never imagined meeting.

And I had a pretty good imagination.

When I found her perched on that rock, Tessia's smile was dazzling. You think I'm a wonderful friend.

I beamed back at her, my heart feeling a bit lighter. "I sure do." I settled onto the rock next to her. "You've saved me from my mother twice now."

She gave me a questioning look. Saved you? How?

I plucked a twig from the ground and twirled it in my fingers as I thought. "When I was little, I saw all these kids with parents. I would always wonder where mine went, why I wasn't with them. I'd invent stories in my head. Like, they were heroes who died tragically while saving a whole bunch of people. I also pretended to be confident about who I was. I was the child of heroes." I poked the twig lightly against my arm. "It got to the point where I believed my own lies. Most of the time."

Did you ever tell anyone these stories?

"No. I didn't want anyone laughing at me, in case it wasn't true."

I sighed and snapped a piece off the twig. "Actually meeting my parents . . ." I shook my head. "They reminded me that all my stories were false. That I really had been cast away on purpose." I tossed the twig pieces aside. "I thought I'd banished those feelings, you know? All that doubt about my worth and who I was."

And it feels really bad.

I nodded. "Terrible."

I know those feelings.

"I'm sorry." I longed to reach out and hug all the bad feelings away. Tessia was such a sweet soul, and didn't deserve that kind of anguish.

When I felt her cool hand slide hesitantly around mine, I raised my eyebrows at her. "I thought touching was bad?"

Only if I've never touched you before. You already did, that first night, remember?

I remembered. She'd scampered away like she'd been shocked by lightning.

The first time is overwhelming, and it hurts my head.

I looked back up at her. "I'm sorry about that."

I'm not. I learned a lot about you.

I tilted my head. "Like what?"

She hesitated.

"Tessia, I won't be mad. I'm just curious what you know about me."

Um . . . well, everything. I didn't think it was possible for a voice inside my head to mumble, but hers did.

I shook my head a little to clear it. "It sounded like you said everything."

She looked away, put her hands in her lap, and began fiddling with a fold on her dress.

"Wait, you actually meant . . . everything? Like, everything everything?"

Her gray eyes met mine briefly before she nodded.

"My entire life."

She didn't answer.

"Well." I cleared my throat as I thought about the implications of this. "I can see why all that would hurt your head."

She huffed a tiny laugh, but kept staring down at her hands.

Wow. With a single touch, she had access to an entire lifetime of private thoughts and bad decisions. Every selfish little thing I'd ever done. Every uncharitable thought I ever had.

No, it's not like that. Her strained voice nudged its way through my tumbling thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

I don't see specific memories. It's more like . . . everything you are right now. At your core. It's hard to explain.

"So you don't actually know about that time when I was four and I hit an older boy with a stick because he wouldn't let me play with him?"

Tessia snorted with quiet laughter. No.

"Well, he had it coming," I said indignantly.

I thought about who I was at my core, and unsurprisingly, came up short. I wasn't sure what all was in there. The Forestfolk thought of me as a giggling, shallow girl with little thought for the future. What if they were right?

It's not true.

"Huh?" I refocused on Tessia. "What's not true?"

Your fears about your future keep you from wanting to think about it. That doesn't make you shallow.

"It doesn't?"

You care about people. You care about fairness and forgiveness and everyone's right to happiness. You have opinions, but you don't judge. These aren't the beliefs of a shallow person.

This wise, young girl saw clear into my soul and didn't find me lacking. I had no idea what to say to that. No idea at all.

I reached into her lap and reclaimed her hand, giving it a squeeze.

She finally raised her gaze back up to me, and I saw the silvery hues of happiness shining through. I knew what to say then.

"I'm glad I met you."

Friendship can be so heartwarming. Let's give these two a vote.