We were reckless.
How did we get from kissing to you pinning me to the wall to us both on the floor in a tangle of limbs?
We made an explosion that day, Park Jimin.
And now, we are suffering the consequences of it.
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I visited you again when I was released from the hospital.
You were doing homework in your bedroom, focused on the math problems in front of you.
I always hated math.
You beamed at me when I came to stand by you, and then you pulled me into your lap.
You continued to do the math problems with me in your lap. One hand writing out formulas, while the other traced little shapes on my back.
I noticed a 2018 calendar hanging up on the wall, hanging next to your school uniform. You had framed jerseys of your favorite soccer and sports teams hanging on the walls.
When you were done, you tossed down the pencil and stretched a little before looking at me. I had rested my head against the crook of your neck while you'd been doing your homework, but now I gazed at you with a soft smile on my mouth.
"What are you thinking, baby?" you asked. Your tone was weary, but you still had energy for me.
"You're handsome, Park Jimin," I declared.
You seemed slightly surprised at my sudden remark, but you quickly laughed. A quiet one since we didn't want to bring your parents.
"And you're beautiful," he replied with a grin.
I didn't feel beautiful. By now, all my ribs were jutting out something awful, though my stomach was a little bloated because of the inflammation of the tumor there. My skin was now either very pale, or sickly yellow, not to mention my eyes.
"I'm not beautiful," I replied.
"Yes you are," you winked a little, sending my heart soaring. "This world makes mirrors that reflect only your outer appearance. Thankfully, I don't believe in what those mirrors tell me. I see both your outer and your inner appearances, and damn, you are glorious."
You pulled me in for a kiss.
That night, I know you felt the same as I did.
We both felt the hunger.
The need for more.
To do more.
But in the end, I said good night to you and left.
