Me in a gang? No, I'm in a family

chapter 11:Then the oddest thing happens.

The best way to be an assassin, was to not care.
I wish I hadn't killed him.
I loved him.
But I don't know if it would of really worked out.
We had a relationship for 2 years.
I was 15 and I fell for a 17 Coby Taylors.
That was his name.
Everyone knew we had a relationship.
It wasn't a secret.
We didn't try to keep it a secret.
We didn't care.
He knew that I had to kill somebody close to me.
But I didn't.
It broke me down, piece by piece.
I wish I could meet him again.
See him.
One
Last
Time.
But that's never gonna happen, he's dead. And I'm the one who murdered him.
He didn't object.
He wanted me to do it too 'help me'
But all it did was ruin my life.
I don't know whether to hate him or love him..
Some people thought our relationship was fake, and wasn't serious.
But it wasn't fake.
It was serious
It was love.
Well to me it was, hopefully to him aswell....
He has- had these dimples
One on each cheek, they were beautiful.
I miss them.
I miss him
I wish I didn't kill him, I wish I wouldn't of become an assassin.
It was and still is the worst mistake I've ever made
Do I still love him?
I don't know, my feelings have been blanked by myself, I refuse to even discover them.
My feelings where getting in the way of everything.
The best way to be an assassin, was to not care.
If I had feelings then maybe I wouldn't of become an assassin.
But I didn't.
I'm still downstairs with the 'gang'
They are having a conversation but I zoned out of it and have no idea what they are talking about now.
"Earth to Dahlia!" Chase calls out, "yeah she must be really out of it if she doesn't get mad at that. Hey Dahl?" Jasper shouts at me, "Yeah?" he looks at me just like he has seen a ghost. "you alright there?" I nod at him. and then the conversation changes towards something else.
"surely it wasn't that bad. You got money Dahlia." Jasper says to me, though it doesn't matter because he knows how much a person's past can haunt them.
"how many times Jasper! It's DJ. You have no idea how bad it was being away from everything you cared for, being taken away and forced to kill people." I mumble again, shaking my head.
"dj..." Jasper whispers, but gets cuts off
"I'm sick of you thinking I'm just your sister who got 'adopted' Because in all honesty, I didn't get adopted into a nice family." I can't help but finally snaps at him, causing him to flinch back.
"Dahlia Joel!" Jasper shouts back at me, not giving up this fight.
But I ignore his outburst, and carry on, "how would it be to you, if you finally loved somebody and then you had to kill them!?" finally revealing the truth, and then I realise and look down,
"who was the person you loved?" Ajax asks, and after a few minutes of quietness, I speak up, "His name was coby"
Ajax pov
We are having a conversation about business

All of a sudden Dahlia gets mad, angry.
Jasper tries to calm her down, getting an explanation of what is wrong with her.
But its at the wrong time.
Then she says
being an assassin killed me.
I 'killed' the person I loved.
By her killing me, she killed her self mentally in the process.
how would it be to you, if you finally loved somebody and then you had to kill them!?
She's talking about killing me.
She loved me.
And she had to kill me.
She's never one to be open about anything, I learnt that the hard way when I fell for her.
She's closed off.
She probably closed off herself more when she 'killed' me.
When we were in a relationship she let me call her Dahlia. But now, she probably doesn't want anyone calling her that because I used to.
And she doesn't want reminding of what she did.
Then she says what I was thinking all along.
...his name was coby...
Coby was my real name when I was an assassin.
I changed it when I was 18, so Dahlia wouldn't find me.
Coby taylors.
I didn't want her knowing she didn't kill me.
I wanted her to live her life ,without somebody who would surely ruin it.
But I ruined it anyway even when I wasn't there.