Today, I Plan To Get Myself (And Others) Laid

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M: yui i fucked up


Midoriya was sitting in his chair in his office, palms sweaty from thinking about the encounter that they had had yesterday.



Y: what why

Y: r u in jail

Y: ill come get u

M: yui i fucked up rly bad

M: kaachan prolly hates me now

Y: who the fuck is kaachan


Right. She only knew of him as either Bakugou or Ground Zero.


M: hes ground 0

M: and i fucked up

Y: you fucked him


His head fell on to the table.

M: NO

M: I WANTED TO


He deletes the last text before he can send it.


M: i just invaded his personal space

M: and he looked really wierded out

Y: its weirded

M: I DONT CARE I MOLESTED MY FRIEND AND NOW HE HATES MEEEE

Y: hold up ill be right over



Fifteen minutes later, Yui showed up holding two cups of Pumpkin Spice Coffee and was listening to Midoriya moan with embarrassment and guilt as he recounted the entire situation.



"-And now he probably hates me and YUI I FUCKED UP. I WANT TO FUCK MY BEST FRIEND AND THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING."


Yui sighed, rubbing her fingers on the bridge of her nose. "Midoriya-" She looked as if she wanted to smack him, which was understandable.

"Okay, let's review the facts. You touched him slightly-" She put emphasis on slightly, "Sensually. And, he's the really aggressive type, yeah?"


"Well, yeah," Midoriya started, "But-"

"And he likes to punch things."

"Yeah, but-"

"But he didn't deck you in the face."


Midoriya considered that. "Uh...yes...?" He didn't really know where Yui was going with this.


"So-here's what I think. If he's the punchy type, and he felt like his personal space was being invaded by you-" She pointed at him with a painted-green fingernail, "Then why didn't he punch you?"

Midoriya actually hadn't considered that.

"I-I don't know. He was injured?"

"Not injured enough to put a dent in your table." She gestured to the fist-sized dent in his wooden table, complete with scorch marks.

"Fair point." He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.


One, two,three, four, five, exhale, one, two, three, four, five, inhale, one...


"So-here's my theory-and take it with a grain of salt." Yui slid off the desk and started to pace slightly.

"If he didn't punch you for doing that, and he didn't even yell, then I have two explanations, but I'm going to go with the first one."


"Which is...?" Midoriya asked with anticipation.


"He was enjoying it." Yui deadpanned.


"YUI WHAT THE FUCK." Midoriya roared, face probably pinker than her hair,watching her cackle with laughter. "WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"


"It's true. That's my conclusion. Or, he was so out of it, he didn't even register what you were doing, but seeing how he talked, my money's going on the first one."


Midoriya had absolutely no idea what to think of this. He'd always assumed that the attraction was one sided but certain things started coming back to him.


Bakugou's red face when he asked to take his shirt off,


The fact that he kept calling him,


They almost held hands in the hallway,


And, oh, how he folded under Izuku's slightest touch-



"Holy fuck, you're right." The realization hit him right in the face. "YUI WHAT THE HELL, YOU'RE RIGHT!" He jumped up, then sat back down. "Oh my god, I'm in love with a hero." The next realization also hit him in the face, knocking him over. "Oh no, Yui, I'm in love with a hero, oh noooo..." He let his head hit the table. "What am I going to do-"


"Midoriya!" Yui's unusually sharp tone jerked him back to reality. "Whatever the case is, at least let him know it isn't just him, good lord. The worst thing to do with guys like Bakugan-"


"Bakugou."


"Idon'tgiveafuck." The sentence came out as a rushed blurb of words. "Is to leave them hanging. You probably won't get together, but her, at least attempt to get laid or something."



Midoriya wasn't listening. All he wanted to do now, was let Kacchan know it was mutual.



"Yui, what do I do." He said, steel in his tone.





Yui smirked, and started to tell him her plan.

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