Against All Odds (Finnick Odair love story) (1)

Chapter 57

My eyes burn as I am dragged by two peacekeepers to the square. My uncle ahead of me looking back at me fear and guilt covering his face.
"Karaline did nothing wrong! I forced this on her she is just a child! Have mercy! She isn't at fault!" My uncle begs his dark green eyes shining with tears.
My small 10 year old body shakes in fear.
"Quiet! You have broken a law and you will be punished. Child or not she took part in a crime and will be punished." The ex head peacekeeper booms through the square making people stare in shock and fear.
"State your name." The man insists.
"Roman Leonard Mathis." His voice is calm.
"Roman Leonard Mathis, guilty of unauthorized training of minors in combat. That as you know is punishable by death as declared by the Capitol." The old peacekeeper informs the man making my small body struggle against the peacekeepers holding me.
"No!" I sob loudly.
"I love you uncle! Please don't kill him! Please! Please!" I sob my legs giving out dropping to my knees.
They drag him to the middle of the square his eyes meeting mine as they shoot him in the head without hesitation.
My scream pierces the air loudly.
No tears leave my eyes I stare at my uncle who once was full of life falls to the ground with a thump there is a thick silence apart from mutters and gasps.
"State your name girl." The man sneers clearly uninterested in being here.
"Karaline Delilah Mathis." I tell the man emotionlessly.
"You took part in actions you knew were illegal for your crime i sentence you to 30 lashes." His voice booms my body jolts slights my eyes meeting the man who executed my uncle.
I can hear the upset mutters and concerned looks from the witnesses.
They drag my body towards the rarely used whipping post in the center of the square. They cuff my hands to the post. They remove my shirt from my back putting the cloth around my neck still letting me hold onto whatever dignity I have intact. I wait for the pain I know is coming as the whip cracks across my back the only thing that sounds through the square is my loud screams. Until I can't scream anymore. Every lash jolts my body forward harshly. I stare at my uncles dead form his eyes open all I do is stare into his eyes. Every lash is deeper and more painful than the last. My whole body numbs from pain all I feel is nothingness. I feel dead. Like my uncle.

My body thrashes roughly as I sob. Arms are wrapped tightly around my body as I shake.
"You are safe it was a bad dream Kara." Finnick's groggy voice sounds in my ear.
It's not a dream... it's a memory.
I shake my head harshly trying to calm my body down. Finnick's arm around me as he sits next to me. I recognize him by his radiating warmth that his body radiates. I grip onto his arm my back facing him pressing my forehead to his bicep crying softly.
"Breathe Kara." He begs turning the bedside light on. I breathe in deeply his scent making my body relax slightly.
I come to the realization I had woke him up.
"I'm sorry! I woke you." I half sob wrapping my arms around his bicep holding his arm to me. I can feel his naked chest against my back but ultimately ignore it.
"I was awake already love." His voice is gentle in a way he only uses with Mags and I. I can't look into his beautiful green eyes without seeing my uncles cold dead ones.
"It's okay not to want to talk about it. I have nightmares every night Kar." He informs me.
I burrow my face into his shoulder. Making him chuckle lowly.
"That's why I was awake I had a nightmare." He says. I flinch as I feel him rub my shoulder trying to comfort me.
"You did?" I ask finally looking up at him.
"I've told you before Kara... all Victors have nightmares." He tells me calmly. I can't believe he's so calm while I'm a mess.
"Would you want to talk about your dream?" He asks softly as I burrow my face into his arm shaking my head.
"Well my dream was about the boy from three in my games. I killed him during the blood bath. His name was Ty." He tells playing with my hair.
"Do you ever forget them? The people who you've killed?" I ask him already knowing the answer.
"Ty, Juniper, Preston, Rena, Clare and Elijah." He recites his voice cracking slightly his hand rests on my shoulder his finger ghosting across my skin there.
"No love... you never forget them." He tells me everything goes silent.
"April, Heath, Iris, Vena, Gina, Randy, Alexander, Ross and Kale." I recite softly.
"Kara you didn't kill Gina." He reminds me his voice hard his grip tightens slightly.
"No... I didn't kill her but I'm the reason she's dead." I tell the older man making him sigh he knows I'm right.
"I'm the reason my uncle Roman is dead." I whisper tears falling onto his bare shoulder.
"I begged him to train me. He wanted to stop after Nadia died. I begged him... the day we started training again we were caught and he was executed." I mutter to Finnick my eyes burning.
"Love... Kara... what have I told you about blaming yourself for things that were out of your control?" He asks sternly forcing me to look into his eyes as I attempt to pull away.
"Not to do it." My voice is small.
"He made a choice... he could have refused you but he chose not to." He reminds me.
"I can't forget that it's my fault. It's cut into my skin... it never goes away. It's burned into my brain... the memories.. this pain. I don't know how to make it go away." I whisper before attaching myself to his arm he has around me.
"Oh Kara." He whispers out loud as tears flow from my eyes.
"Its all my fault..." I sob making him hold me tighter.
If I had never had been born maybe Nadia's one slip paper signifying the tesserae intended for me not existing would have saved her life. My parents would be happy with their daughter. Mother would have lived on for Nadia. My uncle would be alive. Annie would have her best friend. Those 9 people whose death I caused in the arena would have had a chance at life without me threatening it. If only I had not been born it would have been a better existence for everyone involved. I shouldn't have been born. I am a mistake... misstep... unwanted burden. I can't help but cry laying there in the darkness of nighttime in the arms of my best friend.