One Thousand Emails (Treebros) {#Wattys2018}

13

Trigger Warning-Mentions of a suicide attempt.

"Dear Evan Hansen,

Turns out today won't be a good day, a good week, or a good year. Because.. Why would it be?

Oh, I know. Because I'm caught in the middle. I thought I'd be over Zoe by now but now I'm liking someone else. But I can't ever tell Connor about this, I know he wouldn't like it. I can't risk talking to him.

Sometimes I can't help but wish everything was different. That something I said would matter to someone. I know I have Connor, Jared, and mom, but let's face it; would anyone notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

Sincerely, your best and dearest friend, me."

Print.

Evan let out a sigh, leaning back in his chair as he waited for his paper to finish printing. His seventh hour was thankfully a study hall, so he had time to print off his therapy letter. Would it be good to show at therapy? Probably not, but that was his way of venting.

That letter. He never planned on showing Connor it. He was trying to get over Zoe and having a fight over it definitely wouldn't help. But to Evan's luck, Connor just happened to walk in.

"Hey," he said, turning his gaze to the casted boy at the computer.

"Wh-what are you doing in here?" Evan asked him, starting to feel tense.

Connor shrugged, "Free period. You?"

"Study hall," he answered, making a small smile.

"I see.." Connor looked at the printer, before seeing something in it. He pulled out the letter and saw Evan's name. "Hey, this yours? It's got your name on it."

"Y-yeah! Can I, can I have it back?" He quickly got up and reached for his letter.

"Wait a minute.. What's this about Zoe?" Connor narrowed his eyes, now starting to read the letter.

"Connor.. P-please, I need it ba-"

"What the hell is this?! 'But I can't ever tell Connor about this, I know he wouldn't like it. I can't risk talking to him'" he read from the paper. "So what you're saying is you were going to keep this a secret from me?!"

"Well uh, n-no, wAIT!"

Connor crumpled up the letter, "I can't fucking believe you!! I thought I could trust you, but clearly I can't!"

"P-please Connor, don't-"

"Fuck you!!!" Connor shoved him back and ran out of the room, leaving Evan there, standing in shock.

~~~

"Evan Hansen, please report to the Guidance Counselor's Office immediately. I repeat, Evan Hansen, please report to the Guidance Counselor's Office immediately."

Evan didn't understand what was happening, why did he have to go to the Guidance Counselor's? Did someone see his and Connor's fight yesterday? Were they spreading rumors? Why did this have to happen to him?

All he knew was that when he entered the office, Larry and Cynthia Murphy were waiting for him inside. But no Connor.

"Wh-What's going on?" Evan asked timidly, stepping inside.

"You're Evan, right? We met once.." Cynthia told him.

"Uh, y-yes! Why.. Why am I here?" He nervously fiddled with his polo shirt.

Cynthia gasped, and held back a sob, "You.. You haven't heard yet?"

Larry went and put a comforting arm around her, "It's okay, Cynthia.."

"Heard w-what?" Evan could feel his stomach twisting into knots.

Larry sighed, "Connor.. Attempted suicide last night.."

Evan gasped, feeling tears prick at his eyes, "What? No.. No, I-it can't be true!"

Cynthia weakly handed Evan a letter, it was written on three lined paper and was hand written, unlike his therapy letter.

Evan slowly read the letter, before having to read it over again and again. Why? Why did this have to happen?

And Evan broke down into tears.

A/N- I finally got this chapter out! Sorry it's short, there was a lot of procrastinating while writing it. And don't worry, I'll say what Connor's Suicide Note says in the next chapter! See ya'll then.