One Thousand Emails (Treebros) {#Wattys2018}

15

Connor was absent from school for one week. Evan had managed to convince his parents of how important it was for Connor's medication to be changed. It took a lot of convincing for Larry to change his mind, but he eventually gave in and said he'd switch the medication.

When Connor was released from the hospital, he invited Evan over to his house, which Evan happily accepted the invitation. Connor was on his new medication, and he seemed to be a lot more relaxed and calm. Evan asked him how his medication for depression.

"It feels.. weird.." Connor admitted. "I'm not constantly thinking of ways to end my life, and I'm hating myself a lot less than usual."

"T-that's good," Evan made a small smile.

"But like, it's not completely helping. There's that small of me that seeks death and I still hate myself," Connor added on.

"Just g-give it time. Usually your medication takes a b-bit," Evan told him.

Connor shrugged and said, "I met your mom in the hospital. She's uh, she's pretty cool."

Evan smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, s-she's really great.. I just wish she didn't work so much."

"I'm going to rehab," Connor blurted out.

"W-wait, what?" Evan was a little shocked, it was good that Connor was going this but.. He didn't expect it to be right away.

"That's why I asked you here. I want to do as much as I can with you before I leave. I'm going to be gone for two months, and they only allow family visits, which is shitty as hell," Connor told him, scooting closer to Evan.

Evan frowned, "Two months.. Then, I n-need to tell you something.."

"Okay, then tell me," Connor put a hand on his shoulder.

"Um, d-do you remember when we went to the O-Orchard.. and I b-broke my arm..?" Evan asked.

"Yeah, what about it?" Connor questioned.

Evan shut his eyes, and took a deep breath, "I... d-didn't f-fall.."

"What?! Are you.. are you saying that.." Connor didn't finish his sentence, too afraid of the answer. He hated that Evan would possibly feel that way.

Evan slowly nodded. "I d-didn't think you'd c-care if I died in the jump so.. I j-just.." He bit his lip and wiped his eyes, trying hard not to cry.

Connor grabbed his forearm, in a way to try and comfort him. "Does.. does anyone else know?"

This time Evan shook his head. "I d-don't want them to know I'm.. m-more broken than I a-already am.."

Connor hated hearing Evan practically insult himself, so he grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. "Don't... don't say shit about yourself, Evan! Fuck, please don't.. don't do anything crazy while I'm gone, okay? Please, get help like I am, I, I want to see you get better.."

Evan made a silent promise to himself; he'd come out to his mom and Jared, so he could get help. He just knew one thing, and that was that he wanted to get better. "I.. I will."

"Thank you.. Now umm let's move on from that. Where d you wanna go?" Connor let go of him.

"Um, A La Mode?" Evan suggested, letting go as well.

Connor grinned and stood up, "Hell yes! I won't get ice cream for two fucking months."

Evan smiled at his enthusiasm and stood up. "Let's g-go, then."

The two spent their day at A La Mode and the park, making plans for what they'd do when Connor got back. Evan desperately wanted to show Connor his comic book collection, which kick-started a geek talk about Marvel. Apparently Connor loved Marvel, Spider-Man being his favorite super hero. Evan calmly told him about when he was a little kid that he really admired Wolverine for some reason, but he agreed that Spider-Man was really awesome.

The two ended up having a sleep over with relentless teasing and embarrassing dares. They even hung out with Zoe for a bit, who did Connor's nails while Evan braided his hair. Connor was happy in that moment, despite what the next day would bring.

"You know, I-I'm glad to have met you, Connor," Evan told him, moving to lay down on Connor's bed.

"I am too, Ev," Connor was lying in bed, watching Evan lay beside him. He then wrapped his arms around him, "This is okay, right? You're not uncomfortable?"

"You're fine, I'm fine, it's all fine," Evan said tiredly. He knew physical contact always helped Connor know that everything was real and it grounded him. Evan couldn't ever complain though, he was a bisexual mess who loved to cuddle.

"I know you hate yourself, and how you look but like.. you're so fucking attractive, you know that, right?" Connor asked, gazing at him.

Evan chuckled, "I don't.. This is a.. a first for me."

"I know we said that we'd wait to start a relationship, but why the hell are you so cute? It's hard repressing these feelings," Connor continued.

"It's hard for me, too. Look at that beautiful hair, it's so soft.." Evan moved a stray piece of hair out of his face, then put his hand on his chin. "And your jawline.. fuck, it makes you look so sexy."

"Our relationship is so weird.." Connor stated with a sigh.

"We just, we have to wait and get better. It'll be worth the wait, I promise," he took his hand away and wrapped it around his torso.

"I know I know. Sleep well, Ev.."