One Thousand Emails (Treebros) {#Wattys2018}

14

"Dear Evan Hansen, before I go, there's a few things I want you to know;

First of all, this is not your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself for what I did. This was planned far before our big fight. I hate to leave you like this, but you don't deserve someone as awful as me.

I'm such a fucking hypocrite. I yell at you for keeping stuff from me but yet I've been doing the same..
I have Bipolar. I didn't want to let you in because then you'd see the worst part of me.

I'm sorry you have to find out this way, instead of me fucking telling you the truth in person. You don't want to see how bad I can get.

Our emails was probably the closest thing to help I ever got, and I don't regret a second of those. But I hate that I hurt you. You of all people don't deserve that. You're so nice, sweet, adorable..

Oh fuck it.

I'm in love with you, Evan. A little bit after our emails started, of course, but you're just an amazing person and I know you probably don't feel the same way. That's okay. You won't have to deal with me anymore.

Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,

Me."

~~~

"So why didn't you tell me about Connor?"

Evan was at the hospital, and of course, he had a run in with his mom. He was hoping coming wasn't in vain, and that Connor wanted to see him. Everything was happening so fast. The feelings he never thought would be reciprocated was, Connor had fallen so far back that he'd attempt again, and now both of their families knew about the emails. It was a living nightmare.

"I just- I didn't know if you'd a-approve of him, but he was getting b-better, he really was, but apparently I failed him cause I didn't see how b-bad he was getting and- and," Evan rambled, and dug his fingernails into his skin. He could feel fresh hot tears already starting to boil in his eyes.

"Hey hey, it's okay. I mean, the situation isn't, but I understand that you're stressed," Heidi told him, grabbing his hand and squeezed it tight.

"Will he-is he gonna be o-okay?" Evan sniffled.

"I.. I don't know, sweetie.. I can't make any promises, but we think he's gonna make it," Heidi brought him close, allowing Evan to lean against her slightly.

"I don't want to l-loose him..." Evan whispered, shutting his eyes tight.

"We're doing everything we can.." Heidi assured him. "For now, get some rest. It'll be a while.."

Evan sighed and sucked in a breath, slowly drifting off to sleep. A few hours later, he was awoken by his mother.

"He's awake. You can go see him now."

Evan wasn't just nervous, oh no, that wasn't a strong enough word to describe his feelings. Petrified. That was a good one. He had to confront Connor about this all, which he hated confrontation, despite being the victim or not he didn't like it. How would things work out? Were they a thing now? What would happen to their friendship?

Evan stopped at Connor's room, frozen for a moment, before knocking on the door. He waited for a minute, before Larry answered.

"Ah Evan, Connor's been asking for you. Come in," Larry stepped out of the way and let Evan inside the room.

When he first stepped inside, Connor was talking to Zoe and Cynthia, not arguing, just discussing a few things.

"I just.. Did all those things I said to you really hurt you that badly?" Zoe choked out, clearly trying hard not to cry.