"have you ever been in love?"

six

i leave after breakfast, stealing a kiss from him at his front door as we both agree that a second date is in order. of course. he likes me, which i still can't get through my stupid brain.

when i arrive at home — tired but happy — i call my only and best friend, takahiro. he picks up quickly. probably because he wasn't doing anything anyway. we're alike in that way.

"yo, issei," he says, and i can hear the sounds of a video game in the background.

"hey, you know that really pretty guy i see at the station every day and always whine about because he's too gorgeous to be real?"

"let me guess, you made eye contact. congratulations," takahiro said sarcastically, to which i rolled my eyes.

"a little more than eye contact."

"you said hi?" he gasped with feigned surprise, "issei, i didn't know you had it in you."

"taka, i asked him out."

the video game stopped. "you what?!"

"i asked him out, he said yes, we had sushi, and we had sex at his place."

"YOU FUCKED THE PRETTY BRUNET?" he shouted, "MATSUKAWA ISSEI I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD OF YOU IN MY LIFE YOU ARE MY HERO HOW WAS IT WAS HE GOOD DID YOU TOP—"

"it was amazing, we're seeing each other again this week," i interrupt him, "and yeah, i topped, who are you kidding."

"matsukawa issei, i am so proud. you truly have accomplished it all."

"just in time, huh?" i chuckle sadly, to which he falls silent. "sorry. i shouldn't."

"does he know?" he asks, and i stay quiet for a moment.

"no. he doesn't."

"you have to tell him, mattsun, you don't have a cho—"

"just let me enjoy him for a moment. i'll tell him soon, i promise. just... i don't want him to leave, or to stay out of guilt. i want him to be with me, not me with a stupid fucking tumor." i felt tears well up. "taka, i don—"

"i know, issei," he said softly, "nobody wants you to go. i'll come over tonight. we'll have a fun night in. okay?"

"i'm sorry," i sniffed, wiping away at the tears that had managed to slip out, "i'm sorry, taka. i fucking suck."

"issei, you're on the brink of death. i don't care how much you whine, i'm here for it all," he promised me, "i'm coming to give you a hug. wait right up."

the line went dead, and i slowly started crying over the fact that my life was going to end just after it'd started.