"have you ever been in love?"

seven

being with him is like being normal. it's not this whole big thing anymore; it feels like home and like comfort. it feels like it was tailored to be this way; like it really was supposed to turn out like this. like he really was the blessing that karma introduced to me as an apology for my ridiculously premature death.

we go out to a park, walk around, eat some dango, and just do cute couple-y stuff, joking around, talking, getting to know each other a little more.

"i do want kids," he shrugs, "i think it'd be fun. i'd like to be a dad."

i bite my lip. "i dunno, i don't..."

i don't think i'll ever get the chance to choose.

"you don't like kids?" he asks, glancing over at me, a surprised look on his face. i shrug.

"i do, they're cool. it's just... more complicated than that."

"what do you mean?" he frowns, a worried look on his face, "what, do you have some kind of criminal child-abuse history i don't know about?"

"no, i don't. it's not that, it's just..." i trail off, "i didn't do anything bad. i'll tell you later. when i have to."

"you make me worry, you know," he sighs, "how you avoid the future. what is it that makes this guy want to avoid anything that's about to come?"

"i'm not avoiding you," i tell him, glancing over at his adorable pout, "isn't that something?"

"so you see a future here?" he teases me, nudging me with his elbow. i turn to him, grabbing him by his belt loop and twirling him towards me, hands on his hips.

"i don't normally sleep with people on the first date, you know〜"

"oh, i thought that was just your style, picking up guys at train stations left and right," he chuckles, arms loosely around my neck. i shake my head, grinning.

"i'm specific about my train station crushes," i remind him, "and my one-night stands. which may not be that after all."

"i like you, mattsun," he tells me, "and i like that this is moving as fast as it is — it's exciting. but if you're withholding something, i'd rather just have you tell me. i'm a big boy. i can handle it."

"it's nothing worth mentioning."

"if it's scaring you, it is."

"i'm not scared."

i'm terrified.