"have you ever been in love?"

twenty-five

'i'm going over to makki's tonight. miss and love you, hope we can talk about it soon'

"iwa-chan, look what he sent me," i slur, pushing my phone in iwaizumi's face, falling onto his lap in the process. the world spins and i drop my phone right on my face. he laughs at me as i rub my cheek, groaning.

"c'mon, show me," he chuckles, taking my phone. he reads the message, his eyes turning to some emotion i can't quite uncover. "seems nice enough. what's the issue?"

"because, he said that, he won't get chemo!" i complain. he freezes as a result.

"that's why you're here, isn't it?" he asks in a soft voice, laying my phone down on the coffee table. i bite my speedily trembling lip.

"yeah." i'm so drunk i barely notice i start crying, but when i do, i wrap my arms around his torso and start bawling like a little baby. he sighs deeply, but he's not upset, which i'm thankful. his hand starts threading through my hair before he forcefully removes my arms, sits me up and embraces me properly, letting me weakly hang over his shoulder. all whilst i'm bawling. like a little baby.

"oikawa tooru, you are a strange, strange man," he says quietly in my ear, rubbing my back. "now take a few deep breaths and tell me what happened."

i do as he says, hiccups taking over as my crying comes to a halt. i end up sniffling, holding him tight, as if holding on to my sanity. "he said that they offered him chemo, but that he's not taking it. he could live for months longer, but he chose not to, and... and..."

"do you know why?" he asks calmly.

"he sai— he said that it would make him lose his hair."

"i don't think he'd shorten his life over his hair."

"and that it would make him weak. and decrease his 'quality of life'. whatever that means."

"chemo would mean that he would be in hospital for weeks on end. he wouldn't make up for that time lost. he'd be sick constantly. and knowing you, you wouldn't like seeing that deterioration one bit."

i'm crying again, less loudly this time. just soft, hopeless whimpers.

"i love h-him."

he takes a moment to respond. "i know. so you're gonna drink some water, go to bed and get the first train back to tokyo tomorrow morning." i nod slowly.

"okay, iwa-chan."

"i'll pack you some milk bread for on the way."

i smile, close my eyes, and let myself drift away. iwaizumi hajime has that effect on me. he makes me feel safer than anything in the world. so if he says it's gonna be okay and sends you on your way with a pack of milk bread, it's gonna be okay.