"have you ever been in love?"

thirteen

"so he has a brain tumor?"

"that's all it was," i sigh as i lies down on my bed, phone against my ear.

"that's all? that's a pretty big fucking thing, tooru. are you... shit, are you even okay?"

"i'm fine. i just feel awful for him, but i'm fine." i chuckle softly. "i love him, hajime, that guy is amazing. and he's cute. and he loves me too."

"woah woah woah— love? you haven't even known him for that long!" my best friend shouts down the line, and i laugh.

"iwa-chan, there's not a lot of time left. not enough to start hiding feelings. i hate it all, and i wish i could change it, but i cant. so i'm going to make the most of it whilst i can and just... love him. like i should."

"where's the old self-destructive tooru that i've come to love so much?" he sighs.

"there's enough destruction coming up. no need to destroy myself too."

"i just feel like... like you're hurting yourself. you fucking masochist."

"iwa-chan!"

"don't deny it."

"iwa-chan..."

"anyway, just, don't do anything stupid. don't get married. don't adopt a kid."

"oh my god, hajime—"

"no."

"i should marry him. should i? is that crazy? i mean... he's gonna die. i could give him that. i could give him what he never thought he'd get."

"you'll be a widower before you even get married for real."

"it will be for real." i sigh. "i'm going crazy, right?"

"i think you're going into overdrive because you are scared, and you won't admit it."

"maybe you're right."

"you know i am. i always am when it comes to you."

"that's right."

"but there's one thing i'm also right about. and that's that you love him. don't give up. just, don't go crazy either. okay?"

"yeah. thanks, hajime."

"anytime."