i wake up with a throbbing headache and a bunch of unread dm's. you can only imagine the panic that i feel when i realize it's hanamaki telling me that mattsun's hospitalized. and that the messages are hours old.
"iwa-chan, iwa-chan, wake up," i say, voice already shrill as i shake him from where he's slumped against the couch next to me.
"shut up, it's too early," he mumbles.
"hajime, fuck you, it's one in the afternoon and my boyfriend had a seizure!" i exclaim, shaking him a little more. my eyes remain glued to my phone. he perks up, looking at me with a disoriented expression.
"wha..?"
"i— i need to get to yokohama. now." i stand up, my head pounding worse than before.
"hold up, what? is he okay?" his voice sounds groggy, he's too tired to comprehend my urgency.
"he's in hospital, makki said, and, i just... fuck, do you have paracetemol?"
"i do," he grumbles, scrambling to get up. fuck, fuck. i'm panicking. my breathing gets heavy. his hand reaches my shoulder, and i look at him.
his eyes tell me it will be okay.
"i'll get you paracetemol. get the milkbread, we'll get you a ticket at the station."
"yeah," i breathe shakily. "okay."
how horrible of a boyfriend do i have to be to miss him having a seizure? to drink myself into a horrible hangover because of his personal decision regarding his life, that i have no involvement in? i try not to think of it, but guilt swells up from my very core and consumes me like a tidal wave. i turned my back on him in anger. if hanamaki hadn't been there, he could be dead, easily.
it isn't going to work like this. i can't become hysterical when things don't go my way. it's killing him, literally. so i take a deep breath, gather myself together, and tell myself that it'll be okay as long as i make sure to keep myself in check. for him. for mattsun, the man i love.
YOU ARE READING
"have you ever been in love?"
Fanfictionmatsukawa issei is twenty-five, has a brain tumor and has never been in love. a certain pretty brunet might change that.
