The Things We Couldn't Say

Chapter : Thirteen

Maya

Oh, God. What the heck is wrong with me? How can I let someone get through me and that too so quickly? It's a good thing that I was able to control? But still I am not supposed to allow any stranger into my house unless he is my man, brother, father or friend but what could I do, just couldn't leave him on the street bleeding.

And so today I had to cross that line to let a guy who I don't even know and took a pity on him because of his situation. And it's not only that, now I am bound to take care of him because he reminds me of my brother who was bullied and beaten just like he was. And why the hell did I say such a lame thing "I will let you stay here only as my brother".

Yeah, very insecure about my own feelings and actions. A very nice way to dodge being attractive to him because if I am ever, you know, we don't know what destiny has stored for us and if by accident I fell in love with him then I will be able to remind myself that he can't be the one because he is not meant to be part of my life.

Ahh, biting on my lower lip as I thought about those black eyes so deep that I felt if I stare into them some more I would evade myself in that darkness.

When the pressure cooker whistle blew off, this meant it's safe to open.

The aromatic mixture of green lentil and basmati rice filled my nose and by now the whole apartment probably smells like basmati rice. The hot steam was oozing when I move it to the shelf and took a pan to sizzle some chopped onions with a pinch of cumin seed and a little bit paprika. The mixture was giving as always the juicy, spicy, nutty smell as it filled my sense to assure me its ready.

I took out the dark brown ceramic bowl to serve the porridge, with a wooden spoon that makes it taste even better. I garnish the porridge with less spicy beef curry which makes it a total pleasure to eat, with sprinkles of fresh spring onions and coriander, without this Pakistani food, is incomplete, it's like an oxygen to our cuisine.

When I finished, I rushed to the room to know his reaction. 

Really, what the heck is wrong with me, since when did other people opinion mattered to me?

 I told my brain to stop producing non-sense neurons and scolded my heart to stop blaring, it was deafening me from every possible thing. I really hate these kinds of moments because I so do not know how to deal with this kind of situation and seriously how is it possible to feel nervous for someone who I wasn't even aware of his existence until just yesterday.

 I took a deep breath to calm my heart and to stop the sprouting of ridiculous ideas in my brain.

I just have to remind myself that even though we don't share blood relationship but how can I ever tarnish this lovely relationship by giving some disgusting name?

Yes, my brother, whose name I yet have to discover.

I slowly drew the door open, let myself in and kick the door closed with the help of my heels. As I approached him, he was napping and I slid on to the empty side of the bed. I placed the tray,  the room already filling with an overwhelming aroma.

I touch his shoulder that felt so velvety under my skin and I quickly remove my hand when I felt his sleepy gaze. I held on to his gaze and it seemed like my brain has switched side in my head.

"The food" I whispered faintly but I am not sure if I even heard myself say.

"What is it?" he questions.

"Ummm. It's Porridge, actually its South Asian style porridge. My mother used to make this for me whenever I was sick. It's called kichadi. On top of it is beef curry that gives off unique flavor in the mouth. I garnish it with some spring onions and green coriander which leaves you with freshness."

 I pause to breathe,

"I especially made it bland for you since you are sick, but hey the green thing isn't mucus its green lentil. It tastes very good not because I made it but even if you are sick you will know its deliciousness".

I said it with a convincing tone as if I am selling some product for some company, probably the salesgirl experience taught me how to become one.

His piercing gaze was making holes in me until I fed myself a spoon and savor the taste of my mother food.

"Why aren't you eating, black?"

"For your information, my arms are still hurting. Would you care to feed me?" he said hungrily.

"Why wouldn't I, after all, I am feeding my little brother," I said sarcastically.

"Geez," he laughed painfully.

I gave him the water first and made sure each of us finishes our food without being in an awkward conversation. I put everything back in the tray when he suddenly burst to give me a mini heart attack.

"So, what's your date of birth" he questioned me.

"Never ask women their age" I replied stoutly.

"Well to me! You 're not a woman but a sister so, in that case, it is justified".

"Yeah, 92 October the first" I replied loosely.

"Then by every virtue, you are my little sister" he finished teasingly.

"Huh" I was totally dumbfounded.

"Come on little sister, give a good night kiss to your big brother," he said excitedly.

I went in closer until I could sense his tension and mouthed "sorry my biggy! But

your little sissy doesn't like kissy".

I place my hand on his heart only to feel the earthquake inside of him.