Amalgamation

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose in an attempt to calm my raging migraine. Today has just been entirely awful. Not one of the vitamin shipments I've ordered have come in, two of the workers under my purview have quit, and Jin won't stop breathing down my neck at every available moment.

Kookie is still avoiding me like the plague and although I expressly forbade Suga from coming to work with me, he turned up on his own sometime around lunch. And now, as I attempt to work out this weeks meal plan, Suga and Jin continue to argue endlessly in the background. I don't even think that a vicodin would ease the pain in my head at this point. 

I'm half tempted to leave the two to tear each other apart. I'm fairly certain that I could easily slip away without either noticing, so engrossed are they in their argument. But in all honesty, I really don't feel like having blood spilt in my kitchen. Highly unsanitary that.

Unfortunately for me, the one time that would be the most inconvenient time to stop giving me the cold shoulder is the one time that Kookie decides to grace me with his prescence once more. And, of course, he feels the need to throw his own challenge in the ring, not fond of either of the arguing dunderheads himself.

"Both of you are incredibly stupid. How does Noona put up with either of you?" 

It's obviously a hypothetical question, and yet both Jin and Suga both stop and fix Kookie with the most withering of glances. I'm almost certain if I don't get Kookie out of here now, Suga is going to be having rabbit for dinner. Despite the way that the bunny hybrid nearly doubles in size when threatened, I know that Suga is dangerous. Possibly even still in his aggressive phase. So I grab the oblivious bunny man by the wrist and lead him out of the kitchen and down the corridor.

" Kookie," I tell him and I release him just around the corner from my workspace. "You can't just ignore me for weeks and then drop in and start instigating people."

Of course, he fixes me with an entirely unapologetic look. If anything he looks miffed with me for telling him off. But as I sigh, running my fingers through my hair restlessly, his face softens.

"I'm sorry noona. I just missed you," he tells me softly. Grabbing for my waist, seeking for comfort that I don't normally withhold from him.

And yet somehow as he wraps his hulking frame over mine, countenance somehow still wrapped with the irresistible aura of innocence and vulnerability, my body tenses. Though I'm certain he senses it, Kookie only squeezes my significantly smaller frame that much harder. I can't help myself, it's almost as if my limbs have a will if their own as my arms extend upwards, palms open and ready to soothe.

And as I begin running my fingers through his shaggy, golden hair, I think about the rumours once more. I know that somehow I've crossed a line here. As someone who is meant to look at the bigger picture I am failing. I've allowed myself to become biased whenever Kookie is involved, and its neither healthy nor right. Even less kind.

"I know Kookie," the way that his very being wraps it's entirety around my very soul, clinging to my every word as if I alone could protect it, has a way of bringing me to my metaphorical knees. "But this kind of behaviour needs to stop. For your sake too! How will you be successful and thrive as a free man if you can't learn to control yourself?"

"I was just so jealous!" He whines, burying his face further into my neck.

His breath as it fans my neck, affects me in a way it really shouldn't. Even more mortifying is the moment he shifts, going completely still as he inhales. Kookie's nose is still pressed to the junction of my neck, and my knees tremble as he breathes deep.

"Noona, I-" he begins. Whatever else he'd meant to say is lost now, his overwhelming intensity broken by Suga's arrival.

"Get your filthy rodent hands off of her," Suga snarls.

It would be too much to ask if Jin had stayed behind, so his sudden presence startles us considerably less. "Leave him alone, Kookie is no threat to Hazel," Jin shouts at Suga in return.

"Bullshit! He's obviously got a thing for her, I can smell his hormones!" Replies the grumpy cat hybrid.

And when Kookie doesn't move an inch, glaring at them from the crook of my neck, Suga takes matters into his own hands. Reaching forward, he yanks me away from Kookie's iron grasp with surprising ease. The force of it leaves me stumbling back, and straight into Suga's arms. The look on the bunny hybrids face is one of murderous intent. It is a silent promise of pain, and I've never seen anything like it on Kookie's face before.

Great. Just what I needed to make this day even worse. A three-way death match, with me at the center. And as my eyes flit between each man's face I notice that Jin looks the closest to murder I've ever seen him. My migraine only increases. I just can't deal with this anymore.

"That's enough!" I scream. "All of you need to get over yourselves! I quit!"

Three pairs of remorseful eyes watch my retreating figure in sheepish embarrassment. But I don't care.

"Come on Hazel, you can't quit. You own half of this shelter. You can't walk away from Haven like that." Jin tells me as he catches up, hand quickly grabbing my wrist to halt my retreat.

I rip my rest from him in agitation. "Except I did! A long time ago Jin. Haven died, I've moved on and evolved! It's no longer just about Haven to me. And you!" I screech at him, poking him in the chest in an enfuriatingly less than effective show of rage. "You just refuse to let her rest in peace! You wanna know why it really is that we would never have worked? Because I will not live in a dead girls shadow for the rest of my life. You've never loved me Jin! You're just too afraid that I'll disappear, just like she did. And that's why I've tried not to be too hard on you."

Jin sucks in a ragged breath, and staggers back as if I've burnt him. "You don't mean that," he murmurs softly, brokenly.

"Except that I do, Jin. And I'm afraid that you need to look for a new nutritionist, because I won't be returning." And with that, I turn and leave.

I walk out of those doors and, despite always hearing about how walking out of an awful place of employment is freeing, I immediately feel as if all the weight upon my shoulders has settled. Becoming even heavier as new worries are placed on top. How will I pay rent? How will I make the ends meet? I don't know, and it scares me. It might even be time to find a better home for Suga.

This time, as I walk the streets of Seattle, I take in none of the beauty. Stars twinkle merrily over the ocean's abnormally glassy surface as I make my way to the place that I like to call my "thinking spot". It's just a small community bench overlooking the sea and surrounded by the evergreens that I love so much. But it's peaceful. Bad things rarely follow me here. Not that I think today could get much worse.

But as my phone begins to ring, am unsettling feeling worms it's way throughout my gut. I have half a mind to ignore the call, it's probably Jin anyways. But the least I could do is check, I suppose.

I am surprised to find, however, that the number displayed upon my screen is one I have not seen in such a long time. So long, in fact, that I'm not even sure how I still remember this number. The last time I remember using it had been in fifth grade, right before Mom and I moved in with Gran. Right after Haven died.

"What do you want?" I ask gruffly. I've got less than no time to waste on the deadbeat on the other end of the cellular device.

"That's no way to speak to your father Hazel," my father responds, already annoyed with my tone of voice.

I'm half tempted to tell him exactly where he can stick that annoyance, but I decide against it. "What do you want, father?"

"Your grandmother is dead," he replies.

I drop the phone, any further words from that vile man's mouth spewing I distinctly into the gravel beneath.