Fresh Eyes, New Mind (CRIMINAL MINDS FANFICTION)

Chapter 10 : Silently Sleeping

Play music during third person.

Reid's POV

It's been about four days since we got Nicks to the hospital. She hasn't shown any signs of waking up, which is worrying, even to the doctors.

Nicks isn't looking to well either. Her skin is a pale and sickly yellow, from the meds pumping through her system, her skin his rough but clammy, her eyes are dark purple, like she hasn't slept in months, and her once full pink lips are brittle and chapped.

"How is she doing?" A voice from behind me asked. I was to busy examining Nicks to interpret the voice, much like I have been these pst four days, as I haven't left.

It wasn't until those two months Nicks was gone that I realized how much she had begun to change me. I was less robotic and more animated. I was constantly happier and sleeping better. Then, with the help of Derek, I realized my feelings for her.

"The same." I whispered, on the verge of tears. Nicks condition has been very touchy-feely since she got admitted to the hospital. If someone mentions it, my mood immediately worsens, and tears flood my eyes.

"Oh kid. I know how much she means to you but she was under a heavy load. His ideal version of her imposed on who she knew she was. Then with have to turn who she knew as her husband in, and us constantly pushing her actual identity on her, she snapped. It's normal Spencer." Morgan spoke, I knew it was him because of the stupid nickname.

"Derek. I am in love with this girl. Her being in this position already hurts. Imagine how it feels knowing that there is a huge possibility I won't get my Nicks back, and even if I did, there's an even bigger possibility of her not loving me back as well. And this and work and her and her current state it's all just too much. And you know what sucks? I. Will. Never. Be. Able. To. Forget. Any. Of. This. And neither she, regardless of what happens. No matter the situation, she still has an eidetic memory." I rant, pouring every last drop of emotion into my words, and finally, the dams broke loose.

I threw my head in my hands and cried, not caring that he was there anymore. I cried for my love for her, I cried for her, I cried for Caralyn, I cried for me, I cried for her condition, and I cried of the truth.

The truth of her never being able to love me as I love her. The truth that she might not ever be my Nicks again, that she may be stuck as Caralyn, and permanently scarred.

"Spencer, please calm down." Derek said and placed a hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged it off and bolted out of my seat. "Keep an eye on her for me. I have to go. I can't be here any longer, please call me if she wakes up. It'll be nice to know she's okay." I whispered, then left the room in a brisk walk.

Out in the waiting room was the rest of the team. I caught some worried, some curious, and some shocked glances, along with the normal sad expressions.

"Reid?"

"Spencer?"

"Spence?"

Variations of my name were called out behind me as I ignored them and continued on my way out of the hospital.

I had to get away, had to be away, from her. If I got away, it would give me time to get over my crush, clear my head, and be able to comfort and help her when she awakens.

I drove back home to my little apartment, and locked myself in. I threw my keys in a random direction and laid down on the couch, grabbing the sleeping pills on the way.

If I wasn't going to be leaving my apartment, I was certainly going to be getting some sleep.

I took three as prescribed, and would take another three after, and after, and after, and oh get the point.

Hotch's POV

I'm worried about Reid. He hasn't left her side in the days we've been here, then Morgan goes in, and suddenly Reid is walking off to god knows where.

"Guys, what if Nicki never remember who she is?" Garcia whimpered, finally speaking the unspoken.

"Then she goes in with her life. If her new identity was happy as a house wife married to Summers, then so be it. Even if Nicki isn't Nicki anymore, we should want whoever she is to be happy, and we should be happy that she is." Rossi spoke, rubbing is temples with his fingers.

"I agree with Dave. Nicki never shows her emotions, but at least with Caralyn, she can finally be fully happy and sad and angry and confused and not have to worry about hiding it all." I said softly, not wanting to come across as my usual stony self.

"Listen guys, I know none of you want to even think of that possibility, and trust me neither do I. But we all love her to death, whether or not Nicki or Caralyn, so we should suck it up and be happy for her. All we can do now, is pray for the best." I continued, trying not to make them and myself cry.

"We know Hotch, it's just hard. We've never lost an agent this way before, and honestly we're not the only ones losing her, as in a way she is losing herself." JJ said, her voice thick.

"And I never even got to get to know her. Neither did Emily. But I have never felt more regretful of anything in my entire life than missing out on the chance of getting to know her." She continued on, her voice cracking and some tears escaping.

We continued to sit in silence, and tears eventually began to leak down our cheeks and silent sobs wracked our chests.

Third Person POV

As the majority of the team sat outside the poor girl's hospital room, Morgan was sat inside.

He was forced to see what had made Reid break down so heavily before. He now understood his whole speech. He now knew why he had broken down and ran. Morgan was as tough as nails, and he was almost immediately saddened by the sight.

The sight of her, the feel of her. She was cold, despite the sheet and blanket covering her. She was just silently sleeping.

He was just silently sleeping.

He was thinking of her.

Was she even thinking at all?

She was injured.

But so was he.

He had a broken heart.

She had a mental break down.

He remembers.

But will she?

Silently Sleeping.

Silently Sleeping.