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Summer Blues

Dear Diary,

It's shocking to see how summer is passing me by. This time last year, I was organising the vacation bible school, youth camps, even following Nadine to church because she was always ministering at various events and musicals across Abuja. I enjoyed the Youth Camp because at least I was able to soak in the teachings, whereby at VBS I was the one in charge of all the teachings and activities for the children.
This year has been such an eye opener for me. This , I must say is the most boring summer I've experienced. Unlike other summers where my parents loaded with activities and summer lessons this one is quite a bore. The doctor had ordered bed rest for me, till the end of my pregnancy. After the baby shower I must say I've been feeling faint, and the Doctor said my BP was reducing, so she advised I eat more and rest more. This is the third day. I don't think I can cope with this kind of lifestyle. Dami and her family had tried and failed to get me to do a few things to keep me company, but it isn't really working for me. I don't like being idle. I hate it so much. But this evening, I'll be going with Dami's mum for an evening walk, which the doctor recommended as well. I decided against it at first, but there wasn't any need hiding this pregnancy, the whole of Abuja knows by now. It didn't make sense to cower away.

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Dear Diary,

The walk was actually good, and as I predicted there were few whispers but for the first time, I had to face up to it and get used to people thinking I'm a terrible person for getting pregnant. As a matter of fact why should I care about it.

Dami and I had quite a misunderstanding. She came into the room earlier.

This was how the conversation went.

Dami : So, I've been doing some research and I noticed that it's not always painful the first time. It's going to be painful a few times.

Me: what are you talking about?

Dami: (rolls eyes) come on Issy, you know it. I was going to ask you if it's true, since you're *smirks* a bit experienced.

Me: I only had sex once, Dami. I don't even remember how the sex went.

Dami: That's true. I better just go with my research.

Me: Are you planning on doing that with him?

Dami: Obviously. He's asking for it. And besides, I'm old enough. Mercy did it at 15 and she's fine.

I rolled my eyes and point at my belly to tell her the possible results.

Dami: I'll be safe.

I worry about her, honestly. She doesn't know what she's getting herself into. Sex is more than just something you do and get over. But she has her choices and whatever she has decided to do doesn't make me stop being her friend. After all, I know she can take care of herself and has me to teach her a lesson in case she wants to do something funny. I would never admit how disappointed I was in her joining Mercy to make jests at me for being a virgin, when in reality she hadn't had sex. That meant she must have lied to Mercy about having sex. It doesn't matter anymore, we're not friends with Mercy so I'd let it slide. Dami stares at me in a weird way, and I have come to recognise that look. She has questions she's afraid to ask. Then when I thought she wasn't going to ask anything, she finally asks.

"Do you still think about him?"

Before then, I had not thought about Sultan. Before she mentioned him, I had not allowed myself to think about such a stupid thought. I had buried him in places that I forgotten had existed, and his name would forever be unspoken in my mouth. There was no need to think about things that would make me angry, and possibly break me. That breaks me is that boys keep doing this and they will never stop. They are allowed to do what they want, they have nothing to lose. It is the girls life that would be on hold just because she got pregnant. The patriarchy in this country is utterly disgusting. Suddenly, I wanted Dami to leave me alone. I was fine in this room, actually enjoying my compulsory bed rest. I was listening to Beyonce's Dangerously in Love album before she came in. As if she sensed it, she apologised, and I felt remorse and pity.