bet on it - odell beckham jr.

chapter thirty-four

"but, you're leaning more towards leaving."

i'm silent for a second, weighing his words before nodding. "yeah."

"for fuck's sake, man. why would you wanna go back to washington after the way they treated you? i would never go back, fuck them." he grabs his stuff, giving me a pointed look before turning on one heel and heading towards the locker room door.

"it's home. that's where i wanna be in the end, otto. that's where i wanna have a family, raise some kids. i know the fans have been shitty, but they'll come around and welcome me back like i never left."

otto pauses at the door, his hand resting on the handle, but not long before he removes it to hit it against the wall. "oh, beckham." he spins around, crossing his arms across his chest. "you say all this shit about creating a family, but at the end of the day, it's just bullshit. fucking bullshit."

"no it's not bull–"

"i'm not done. shut the fuck up, and listen to me." my mouth closes slowly. otto has never spoke to me like this so it's taking me by surprise.

"you fucked around with that girl's heart. and while some of the guys may think you're the shit for having to drop her name to seal the deal, i know that isn't why you said it. you love her, and you're not doing a damn thing about it."

"what the fuck am i supposed to do? she hates me!"

"with a damn good reason too. tell me, this 'family'–" he marks with quotations. "that you speak of, who is a part of that family, odell? who do you wanna see in your future? who do you wanna wake up to in five years? who do you wanna knock up and be there for them when they gotta pop out some babies?" he shrugs.

"who are you gonna share those moments with? man, i just need you to picture it for yourself. because if you are leaving us high and dry to go home, then you better fucking be sure that you're making home with someone that you love. because otherwise, there's no point."

"fuck you, otto."

"no. fuck you, odell. i've watched you for the past month. i've kept my eye on you when you're around her. and i've seen it, okay? i've seen the way you fucking look at her, the way you defend her, hang onto every single word she says. i've seen it enough times, brother. yet you're so blind and stubborn, that everyone else can see it except from you and your dumbass."

"i don't need to hear this from you. i know that i love her, and i don't need you to spell it out for me. i know she's the one, and i've fucked up. she's the one i want in the end, she's the one i wanna wake up to every single morning, she's the one i want a family with. i want it all with her. but, can't you see? she doesn't want nothing to do with me. so, i don't need you telling me about what to feel and what not to. i'm hurting bad too."

his eyes lock on mine, but he doesn't say anything. instead, he glances over my shoulder, which makes me spin around to find almost the whole team standing behind me.

i groan, closing my eyes and turning around to sit on the bench, hanging my head in my hands. the room is quiet, and honestly? i just wish that someone would say anything, the silence is too thick.

finally, otto speaks, making me look up to still catch about twenty shocked faces. "so, you gotta make things right."

"how in the fuck can i make this right?"

he just shrugs. "figure it out. you're supposed to be good at that."

☯︎

once again, i played another terrible game. i went through the motions like i have been for the last few weeks. but today, there was so much on my mind that i couldn't bring myself to do it.

my catching was off, my running was a joke, and my plays on the field? barely adequate.

my head is an insane mess with ottos' words just circling around in my mind, making it impossible for me to think straight. all i can hear is his voice, telling me to fix this, over and over.

except, i don't know how. i hurt her, hell i shattered her, and i don't need her to tell me again. i clearly saw it in her eyes, and no words could have ever caused me more pain.

she trusted me, gave herself to me. and like a fool, i didn't make things right with her before it got to the point that it did.

i should of told her from the jump, shoulda told her everything. which, could of stopped all this shit from happening. or, it could of stopped what could have been between us ever happening. so, i have a decision to make.

either i grow some and face her, and beg for her to come back to give me another chance. or i walk away, never knowing the full conclusion.

i don't even head to the locker room after the game. i just walk off the field, totally ignoring the fact that there is still a shit ton of fans in the stands, who are all tryna get a piece of me.

"excuse me." i try to slide through the gate, and squeeze through a group of people, who of course, scream when they see me.

"odell!" an older woman screams, throwing her arms around my neck. "can you please just sign this for me?" she pulls her giants hat off her head before handing it to me. "it's for my grandson, his name is conrad!"

i sigh, before forcing a smile. "sure. you have a pen on you?" i try not to get irritated as she rifles through her purse, and i can't help but glance up the steps and towards the retail booth where i know ira will be.

after a while, the woman grabs a pen and thrusts it my way. scribbling a quick message, i hand them both back to her, flashing a smile before heading up the stairs, but there's no way possible way of getting through.

an entire crowd stands there, all screaming and jumping up and down, tryna get my attention. i grimace, trying to find an exit strategy. however there ain't one, i'm literally surrounded. so, i throw my hands up.

"listen, guys. i really appreciate the love here, okay? thank you all for wanting my autograph, honestly it means more than so much." a few, 'awes' ring out, but i wasn't done. "see, the problem here is that i'm tryna get up the aisle, tryna get up there to see my girl, who i haven't been able to speak to in a very long time. you see, i kind of acted like an asshole. and now she's mad at me. so, if you could all just step aside and let me through, i would appreciate it. i really need to find her and i need to tell her how sorry i am. and basically, i need to beg her for another chance. if you all want to wait, i will sign every damn thing that you throw at me. but right now, i've gotta go and get her."

"oh my god!" someone shouts. "odell's about to propose!"

"what? no." i wave my hands, but it's too late. i've already been spotted by the cameras, and i have no idea how long they've been following me for. and suddenly, my face is flashed across every available screen in the stadium, with hundreds of faces watching me.