Violet Shadows (FFVII)

XV) Addiction

After we fly out of that cursed place, Cid makes the announcement that this trip will take all night. Bugenhagen stood on the deck for a very long time, watching the world pass before leaving to give me my space when I step outside. The wind pulls on my hair and my clothes, though its force is lessened by the wall holding the door to the deck, and the cold air nips at my cheeks and the tip of my nose. I sigh, leaning forward against the chilled railing. I can't sleep; the nightmares that have plagued me over the last few nights are too much.

How many times will you make me cling to danger simply because it feels good?"

I must do something to ease your misery. Your mood affects my strength, host.

"Yeah, okay," I scoff aloud, tracing a finger across the cold metal.

Why is that difficult for you to believe?

"You're a demon. My don't have that much power."

You're a human. How different are we? We can both commit crimes of good and evil.

"We're very different, Shadow."

"You know, I heard talking to oneself is a sign of insanity." I jump, turning to see Tifa offering a gentle smile. Really?

"Sorry," I mutter, turning to face the night sky.

"Don't apologize," she shakes her head, joining me beside the railing. "Cloud's sorry for knocking into you, by the way."

"... Okay."

"You and Vincent are so alike sometimes, you know that," she smiles, rolling her brown eyes.

"Hardly ever," I scoff. She shrugs.

"I don't think it matters now." She pauses, turning her back to the rail and hugging her arms closer as she watches me. "I think... you'd be good for each other."

"...What?" I glimpse upward, frowning.

"I really want this ship to sail, y'know?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on, Violet." She sighs, shaking her head in disappointment. "You might not be the best at socializing with people, unless you're either hurling insults or teasing Vincent, but you're not an idiot. You don't feel anything for him?" I roll my eyes and let my gaze fall to the passing ground. Who wouldn't?

"Why do you ask?"

"You mean you haven't noticed? Shiva, you are oblivious." Ignoring my scowl, she continues. "He's always watching out for you, waiting for the right moment when you'll need protection, making sure you're taking care of yourself. I think he likes you!" Are we in junior high now?

"If it has anything to do with attraction," I spit the word like it's poison, "which I doubt it does, it's only because of my sister. He's always reminded of how he didn't save her and how he could save me. I'm all he has left of her." My tone is harsher than I'd like for it to be, but Tifa doesn't seem to notice.

"I doubt that," she scoffs. "There's something in the way he looks at you, Violet. It's fresh. It's not an old wound getting torn open over and over again."

"Yeah, well, you can sink your ship," I grit, heading toward the door. "Because it's never gonna leave the #$%^ dock."

"Wait," she starts as I open the door. I pause, raising an eyebrow sharply, impatient. "Is this... because of David?"

"You really do know nothing," I scoff, slamming the door behind me and heading down the stairs, fuming. I nearly run over Cid.

"You alright, kid?" he asks, pausing to loosely grasp my arm. I shake my head, glaring at him but not glaring at him.