More than Big Boned

14. I'll Give You Many Thoughts

All day in school I think about the date I had and the slight conundrum I'm in. What if Eddie doesn't want to try with me anymore? What if Bailey is like every other popular guy out there and is just a heartbreaker? I really want to know why Bailey was looking at Bianca's pictures while on a date with me, but right now I have to get ready for the gym.

I surprisingly own some gym clothes. I use them as motivation to actually go to the gym although I don't ever go. I pull out two black sports bras to support myself, a purple gym top, and a pair of black tights. I pull the clothes on and cringe at myself in the mirror. The tights show everything - I mean everything. The top is OK. It's a bit baggy but I'm glad it's not too tight and clingy like my tights. I pull on some black joggers and grab my phone, headphones and purse and head downstairs. I fill up my blue water bottle and fetch my car and house keys, head out the door and lock it behind me. I hop in the car and head straight for the local gym.

The car park is filled with a maximum of three cars. I pull in and turn off the engine. I get out and walk towards the entrance of the building. I open the sliding door to the gym and close it behind me. I go up to the front desk and ask the person working for a casual pass and a towel.

"That's twenty dollars, thanks," he says.

I hand over a twenty dollar note and then walk towards the treadmills with my towel, water bottle and phone. I hop on, put my headphones in, pick my music, have a sip of water, turn on the treadmill, then start walking. I'm on my way to change. Hopefully. If I can keep up this routine. After about half an hour of walking, I head to the bathroom. Sobbing echoes through the hall towards the women's bathroom. Concern fills me and I walk faster. Pushing the door, I step inside the bathroom. To the right are rows of toilets and to the left are two benches and a few lockers. A skinny girl occupies a portion of one bench, curled up into a ball, her honey blonde head hidden. I make my way over, cautiously, and sit beside her.

"Hey," I say. The girl tenses up but she tentatively lifts her head. Her green eyes are red and puffy and her nose is red. I place a hand on her upper back. She feels really boney. Now that I think of it, she looks way too skinny to be healthy. She looks young - younger than me. Maybe in grade nine. "What's wrong?"

The girl shakes her head, uncurls herself and rubs her hands over her face. She sniffles. "Nothing."

I give her a look that says 'I'm-a-girl-too-I-know-nothing-means-everything' and she starts sobbing again.

"If it helps, I can tell you a bit about myself," I say. "I'm Martina. What's your name?"

"Stephanie," the girl says.

"Hi, Stephanie," I say, smiling. "So, I'm in grade twelve at Creekwood. I'm... overweight, as you can see. My parents are doctors so I spend most of my time at home by myself. I like talking to my friends Thomas, Layla, Freya. And Eddie, too. But he's - nevermind. What about you?"

Stephanie hesitates, then speaks. "I'm in grade ten at Creekwood. I've seen you around. I saw that video of you, too. Your shirt ripped?"

I nod, embarrassed.

"Yeah," Stephanie says. "Anyway, my mum is a teacher at the University out of town and my dad is an engineer. I... I don't really have many friends. Only Anna."

"OK," I say. "Have you and Anna been friends for long?"

"Yeah. About five years."

"Wow. That's a long time. Does Anna have anything to do with why you're upset?"

Stephanie shakes her head. "No. Anna's great. It's just these girls from my class were in here before while I was working out and they were teasing me for being so skinny. And for being, well, lesbian. The thing is, I've been eating so much lately but I just can't seem to put on a heap of weight. I've put on a little bit but it's not making any difference. And those girls think I'm trying to hook up with Anna. But I'm not."