More than Big Boned

20. What, Being Rejected In Your Own Home

"What am I going to do, Thomas?" I'm sitting on Thomas' bed rubbing my face with my hands. I'm exhausted just from thinking about how I'm going to reject someone and how I'm going to tell someone I'm falling for them.

I woke up extra early today - even though it's a Saturday - because I was so nervous. I decided this morning that I would tell Bailey and Eddie about my decision today. Of course, I still haven't decided exactly who is rejecting and who I'm accepting. I'm so torn between the two. I need help. That's why I've come to Thomas. He's my help.

"You just have to do what I told you to do yesterday," Thomas says as if it's the obvious answer.

"What was that again?"

"Just go to the house of whoever you're rejecting then take the person you're going to go out with to your first date spot. I mean, I'd love if someone did that for me. That'd be special."

"What, being rejected in your own home?"

"No!" Thomas groans. "You know what I mean, Martina."

I smile. "I'm sorry. How are you and Samuel?"

"We're good," Thomas sighs.

"Are you sure? That sigh didn't make it sound that good."

"No, no, it's OK. I'm just still worried about Samo hanging with Jack. Jack doesn't look too gay but that doesn't mean Samuel can't flirt with him," Thomas looks at me, sadness in his eyes.

"Oh, Thomas," I wrap my arms around him. "I'm sure Samuel isn't flirting with Jack. If you're so worried, why don't you message Abel and ask him to keep an eye on Samuel?"

Thomas' mouth opens. He obviously hadn't thought of that. "I hadn't thought of that!" he screeches. "Martina, you are a lifesaver."

Thomas gets up off the bed and moves over to his desk where his phone is. He opens it up and starts tapping away at it.

"OK," Thomas says. "So I'm messaging Abel on Instagram and I've said, 'hi Abel, it's Thomas, Samo's boyfriend. I'm kind of worried about him hanging out with your friend Jack so much. Do you think you could keep an eye on him, please?' but I think I should sign my name at the end." Thomas looks up at me.

"No, I'd leave it," I say, smiling.

"Right," Thomas takes a breath, presses send and exhales. "Sorry that I made this about me and Sam. We were talking about you and Bailey and Eddie!" Thomas takes a seat beside me, crossing his legs.

"Oh, please. Don't give yourself that credit. I made it about you guys," I scoff.

Thomas chuckles. "Alright, then. But, seriously. If you're going to tell them today, don't you think you need to make a decision?"

"No way," I deadpan.

Thomas punches my arm lightly. "C'mon, you know why I mean."

"Yes. I think I know but then I don't," I say. "That's confusing but do you get it?"

"Yeah, I understand," Thomas nods and lies on his back.

"So, how am I meant to figure it out?" I ask.

Thomas thinks for a moment. "OK, try this. Blurt out the first name that comes to your mind when I say this: I love you and I've fallen for you."

His name escapes my mouth. Images of him flood my mind. A grin breaks out on my face and my cheeks become hot. Thomas fist pumps the air. Obviously, Thomas was rooting for him. We sit, thinking of possibilities of where I could go when I tell him I've fallen for him. I come up with the perfect idea and Thomas approves.

I drive straight to Bailey's house after having a piece of toast and some water that Paula gave me. When I get to his house, it takes me back to the first time I came here. We were studying for our Life Skills assignment. He did make a subtle joke or hint about my weight, though. That wasn't very nice. I get out of the car and make a wish that Bailey is here.

I knock on the door. I hear the heavy footsteps of someone running towards it. The lock clicks and the door opens, revealing Bailey. He looks surprised to see me here and beckons me inside. We go up the stairs to Bailey's room. He shuts the door behind us and I have that sudden urge to yank it back open. It feels like I'm back in that room at the party.

"So," Bailey says, taking a seat on his bed. I stay standing, hugging myself. "What's up?"

Now my heart races. I don't know what to say. "Uh - I - You - Look, I... I don't really know how to say this."

"Say what?" Bailey looks at me, brows furrowed, trying to understand what I'm trying to say. He doesn't know that it's going to be a slap in the face.

"I'm... rejecting you," I say.

"Sorry, you're what?" Bailey gives me a confused laugh.

"I'm rejecting you," I say, firmly.

"Why?" Bailey says angrily. "It can't be because I'm not good enough. Is it because of the other girls gossiping about us? I can make that stop, you know."

"Bailey," I say. "It's none of that, I -"

"Are my grades too good? Do you think people would tease you for being with me? They won't. Are your parents saying you can't date me because I come from such a prestigious family? Is it because of Bianca? Because she still likes me? Do you think I'm too focussed on sports to give you attention? Is it -"

"Bailey!" I yell, sick of not being able to talk.

"It's definitely because I'm so strong -"

"I'm in love with someone else!" I shout, anger radiating from me.

Bailey's mouth opens to say something. He closes it then opens it again. He groans in frustration.

I stay silent, worried that I might say something wrong and make him angrier. I cower into myself in the middle of his room.

"Martina," Bailey starts, his voice too soft. I come closer, wanting to hear him. "The thing is... I love you."

My heart stops. "What?" I say, even though I heard him perfectly.

"I love you," Bailey says, louder this time. "I don't know what it is but it's just you. You're what makes me love you."

"I'm sorry I don't feel the same way, Bailey," my voice is weak. "But, surely we can be friends."

"I know friends is as good as it'll get," Bailey drops his head. "But I don't want that."

I take a breath and say, "I'm sorry, Bailey, but I have to leave now."

I turn to leave but I'm stopped by Bailey. "It's the red-head, isn't it?"

I nod as I look back at him. I watch him cover his face with his hands then I turn and leave. I start to wonder whether Thomas was right in saying that Bailey would be comfortable in his own home. I don't think it would matter where you were when someone told you that they didn't love you back. It would all hurt the same.