Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 60 - Faith

I had never cuddled next to a guy that wasn't my dad or Elijah ever. But somehow, lying there with my back pressed into the side of Tobias, his arm wrapped around my shoulders so my head could rest in the corner where his shoulder met his chest, his fingers laced with mine causing both our wrists to bend at awkward angles, it suddenly seemed like I was supposed to be there. Like I'd always been. Like we fit together like puzzle pieces, his edges meeting mine perfectly. I liked how I could feel the warmth of his body pass through the gray T-shirt he had on and then through mine. And I liked the way he'd squeeze my fingers with our laced hands.

Snuggled up to him though had made me completely unable to focus on the movie he had put on after he snuck us away from the table after dinner.

His parents were nice, though his dad didn't say much. I thought maybe he just didn't like me but Toby had ensured me that was how he was until he got to know someone. When that happened I apparently was in for dad jokes coupled with some vulgarity. I was glad in the end he hadn't said much.

Marisa, which she insisted I call her, was beautiful. Toby had clearly gotten most of his features from his dad but the boy hadn't come from an unfortunate gene pool. Jason and Marisa, as strange as it was to talk about someone's parents like that, were like the perfect couple. At least that's how they looked. You know, like a couple out of a Hallmark Christmas movie.

The dinner conversation had stayed light and easy, Marisa filling in whenever there was a fraction of silence. I was thankful though, my heart had pounded through my chest the entire time. I was a nervous mess. And it turned out cauliflower fried rice wasn't awful.

I let my eyes wander his room, it was far cleaner than mine typically was. Maybe he had cleaned it for me or maybe it always looked like that. There was a stray shoe poking out from underneath his bookshelf. The shelves themselves haphazardly stacked with books, magazines and video games.

I felt Toby's breath on the side of my face, his lips close to my ear sending shivers racing across my skin. My heart skipped, my chest tight with happiness as my cheeks undoubtedly flared red from his extra close proximity.

"Thirsty?" He asked, his voice a low rumble that had something inside me burning.

I cleared my throat, knowing anything I said regardless of what I did would come out breathless and distracted.

"Yeah, please."

"Be right back."

He slipped out from behind me causing me to instantly miss his warmth and the comfort I hadn't known existed until recent. The tv was still going, maybe I wasn't the only one not paying attention to it.

My eyes drifted back to his bookshelf, a picture of a slightly younger Tobias with his arm wrapped around a girl. I knew from other pictures around the house that the girl was his sister. Clambering off his bed, I made my way across the floor of his room, taking the framed picture in my hands.

Toby looked only a few years younger, maybe the start of high school, a little more gangly than he was currently. He wasn't smiling in the picture but those piercing green eyes of his were alight with happiness. Stella was beautiful, confident, even as she stood frozen, smiling at me from the picture. You could just tell. I bet all attention went to her when she walked in a room, like Elijah.

My mood dropped, plummeted really, as I stood there staring at Stella and Toby. Holding a memory they'd forever get to look back on, all while they're creating new ones. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about all the memories I'd never get to make with Elijah. All things he'd miss out on. The things he wouldn't get to do. The people he wouldn't meet.

I wasn't sure if it was possible for one heart to break for two people. But I felt like mine was constantly breaking for more than just myself. And it hurt.

"That was at Stella's graduation." Tobys deep voice startled me.

My heart jumped in my chest, not realizing he was even back in the room let alone as close as he was. I glanced up at him from the corner of my eye, his mouth was twitched up into a small smile as he study the picture.

"She's really pretty."

He laughed through his nose, gently taking the picture from me and putting it back on the bookshelf.

"Don't tell her I said this but she's actually pretty cool. You'll like her." He told me, his hand finding mine.

We shifted so that we were facing each other.  I felt overwhelmed, like my grief was drowning me and as hard as I tried to swim up for air I couldn't. Like I'd forgotten how. Even during my moments of happiness, the grief still lingered, threatening to take over.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Toby asked, his head ducked trying to catch my eye as I tried to avoid his.

I mumbled out a pathetic "Yes", meanwhile my head shook side to side.

He pulled me to him, my ear pressed into the right side of his chest. I could faintly hear the thud of his heart, steady and strong. He felt safe, something I hadn't realized I needed.  I knew, even though we hadn't known each other long, that I could tell him anything, that I didn't have to keep patching the holes in the walls I'd built. That at least with him, I could just let them crumble, brick by brick.

I could feel his warm breath in my hair, his arms wrapped tight around me. I had started crying at some point, his shirt wet beneath my face. I could hear him murmuring something, neither of us moving as I stayed wrapped in his arms. I wasn't sure how something I didn't even know existed had so quickly become something I never wanted to go without.

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Ugh. I rewrote this chapter about a thousand times. No joke. But alas it's finally here. Hope everyone's gearing up to stuff their faces in a couple days. God knows I am.