Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 94 - Faith

Simon and I were watching a movie with our parents. Spending time together as a family was one of the things the therapist had given us as homework. I was next to my mom, her arm wrapped around me. I couldn't remember the last time we had been so close. And I didn't realize how much I missed it. Until now.

A knock rapped against the front door, my dad instantly paused the movie.

"I'll get it." Simon called, already pushing himself off the couch.

I felt sleepy, my eyes growing heavy and my mind still. I didn't see Simon open the door, instead I closed my eyes snuggling closer into my mom's lap.

"Hello." Simon greeted.

"Hey, is Faith there?"

My eyes shot open, my body on full alert within seconds of hearing my name.

"Who are you?" Simon questioned.

Both my parents were staring at the door in intently. But from where we sat we couldn't see past Simon.

"Mark, so can I talk to her?" I could already hear him getting agitated, the short fuse that he was.

"I don't know depends. How do you know Faith?" Simon folded his arms across his chest, straightening his posture as he stayed in the doorway.

"It's fine Simon."

I unfolded myself from where I was, ignoring my mom as she mumbled a question.

"You know him?" My dad asked as I passed.

I nodded, "He's a friend."

I didn't know why Mark was standing at my door. I didn't know he even knew where I lived. Though I supposed Tori could have told him. Or Toby.

"Hi Mark." I poked my head around Simon who still hadn't moved.

"Hey, can we talk?" He asked, his attention diverted from Simon even though he was a wall between us.

"Yeah, sure."

I slipped my feet into a pair of shoes, ducking past Simon who was still staring at Mark like he didn't trust him farther than he could spit.

"You guys can finish the movie without me." I called over my shoulder, stepping onto the porch.

I had to pull the door shut, Simon still lingering there. Before I would have found it annoying, an act he was putting on or him just being nosy. But now I realized that Simon was just being protective, he was looking out for me, he cared more than I thought.

"How are you?" Mark asked once we were alone on the porch.

I took a seat on the swing, Mark following me. "I'm okay, you?"

He shook his head. "I'm not here to talk about me."

I looked over at him. He had a hat on, covering most of his hair, cigarette smoke wafting off of him, a fresh cigarette tucked behind his ear.

"So what did you want to talk about then?" I asked even though I already knew.

He snorted out a short, flat laugh. "Don't play dumb."

I didn't want to talk about Toby. I didn't want to talk about that day at Perrin's. I didn't want to talk about what I was going to do. I didn't have the answers.

"How is he?" I asked anyway.

Mark shrugged, his hands twitchy in his lap. "Don't know, haven't seen him."

"What?"

"I've been with Tori." He said as way of an explanation.

"So what do you want to talk about if it's not Toby?" Saying his name hurt.

"Nah, that's what I want to talk about."

"Then talk." I could hear myself growing frustrated.

"I'm not good at this shit alright." He snapped back at me. But as soon as he said it he looked over at me, his body softening as he apologized. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

He blew out a breath, adjusting the hat on his head as he stared out at the street.

"Listen, I obviously don't know why he did what he did. None of us fucking do, except maybe Lars."

I couldn't tell if the resentment in his voice was toward Lars specifically or because Toby had trusted Lars more than him. He fell silent, staring at something or nothing maybe, I wasn't sure.

"A few months before he got his new heart...er...your brother's heart..." He glanced at me as he spoke of Elijah. "We were hanging out. Toby always just said he was good, ya know? Like yeah you could see it wearing on him but he never let you see how scared he was. I don't remember what started it, if I said something or if he did but all I know is he starts crying. Sobbing, ya know? And I remember sitting there being like 'fuck what am I supposed to do?' I'm not good at consoling people. I don't know, so I just hugged him. I didn't know what to say."

The thought of Toby sitting there, scared and crying, struck a nerve in me.

"And I just remember thinking that this kid is too good of a person to go through this. That outta all of us, it shouldn't be him. Ya know?"

I did know.

That's exactly what I thought about Elijah.

"All I'm saying is, I don't know his reasons for why he did what he did, but I know he's a good guy. And I know he never meant to hurt you. That's just not in him."

A lump settled in my throat, threatening to unravel me.

"And even though I haven't talked to him, I know he's beating himself up over it all."

"So what I'm just supposed to forgive him?" I asked, my voice wavering as I held back a new wave of tears.

Mark looked at me, his eyes dancing between mine. "I didn't say that, fuck knows I probably wouldn't. But maybe you need to hear him out. For you."

I watched him push himself off the porch swing, sending me into motion. He pulled the cigarette from behind his ear and lit it. He took a couple steps, turning around as he released smoke into the air.

"Just think about it."

That was the thing though. It was all I was thinking about it. And I still didn't know if I was ready to see Tobias. Ready to be that close to him, knowing that he had Elijah's heart. I just didn't know if I could look at him. If I could handle still being in love with him even if I couldn't forgive him.

I just didn't know.

                              ————————

There's only a handful more chapters left! This is crazy. I'm sad. But excited. I've already got a two book series in the works, with two more books after that in the very beginnings. Plus if my cousin ever scans my grandpa's pictures I'll have his letters to my grandma to post too. Big and exciting things. But I love Faith and Toby and I'll miss them.