I am his, and he his mine • cmbyn (DISCONTINUED)

☼seven☼

It had been around 3 hours after my mom gave me the speech. And I had been thinking about it every millisecond.

What a shame to keep something as powerful as love to ourselves.

Those twelve words, which mean barely anything by themselves, but strung in a beautiful sentence, might have been the most important thing I had ever heard.

He had given his feelings to me, and in return, I just stood there. He had spilled his guts, he had been more honest with me than I had ever been with him. And I did nothing.

I was keeping my love for him to myself, even though he put his out in the open for me. He put it to where I could stand on my tippy toes and reach it with ease, but I stood on my heel, refusing to move. I was scared. I don't know why I wasn't scared like I am now, a year ago, adrenaline, maybe? knowing how wrong it was, and loving the rebellion?

But it's not like I was scared of my parents finding out, it was too late for that anyway. Or of the entire town of finding out. It's as if the whole world knew about my love for him It was fine, but god forbid Oliver find out, or else I'd move to some remote island somewhere in fear of rejection.

But I wasn't going to be rejected because He loved me just as I love him but I was scared for him to know. Even though he told me point blank, that he loved me.

Maybe it was because of Lisa. Maybe I was too moral to even hint at a fascination with Oliver because he was happily married. Even though that happily married man told me he still had feelings for me, in fact, he loved me. And that happily married man also told me that he loved Lisa, his wife, but in a much different way, and that his love for me was stronger.

Maybe they weren't so happily married.

And it is such a shame to keep something as powerful as love to ourselves.

So why don't I say something about it?

•

We sat in our "heaven" (a.n. If you read the book you know what I'm talking about) just oliver and I, the next afternoon.

He had been very distant since the other night so I was surprised when he asked for me to join him for a while in his "heaven".

"Elio," he started with that tone of voice he got when he was about to break something to me, "about the other night," he got up from his laying position and lowered his sun glasses to the tip of his nose to get a better look at me. My heart raced, was he going to say he wanted to take it back? Was he going to say he hated me? "I just want you to know, I don't hate you, and I don't regret what I said, despite the distance"

Did he just read my mind?

"I just don't want you to feel weird around me. I don't want you to feel pressured into doing something, or feeling something that you would rather not."

"N-no. I um," I suddenly became very hot and broke into a slight sweat, "I wouldn't uhm—" I got up from my bench abruptly and walked over to him—what was I doing? I ended up sitting beside him on the grass and finishing my flustered thought, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything you know, after you um—" I looked over to him and he nodded simply saying 'I understand, you don't have to say more,' and I continued, "and it's just your married Oliver."

"It appears that way doesn't it. I've gotten myself in quite the pickle," he laughed half-heartily and ran his fingers through his hair. Oh how I wish my fingers could be his.

"A pickle indeed," I shrugged trying to meet his nonchalant tone but failed.

"Well," he got up from his spot on the grass and handed me his hand for me to grab for help getting up, "we best be going, isn't lunch soon?"

"I suppose," I sighed out. This wasn't how I wanted this conversation to go.

I wanted to confess. And I guess in a backwards way I did, right? By saying that thing about him being married? That could somehow be overthought into a confession.

But the only problem with that was,

Oliver doesn't overthink.

•

Short freaking chapter.

So so sorry!!

Schools really been jamming it hard these days though, and I'm a tad bit overwhelmed, but I wanted to get something out for y'all even if it's short!!

Also just a quick thing about the "heaven" I was talking about earlier for all of you who didn't read the book (or listen to the audio book if your me).

I'm not 100% certain on what heaven is, but it's mentioned in the book quite a lot. I imagine it's where Oliver and Elio has that moment with the guitar right before the piano scene. And the bench Elio was on is the one he was on while he played the guitar.

Anyway I love you all and I'm almost certain that I'll get a legit chapter out over the weekend or tomorrow, so look out for it!!

Xoxo