I am his, and he his mine • cmbyn (DISCONTINUED)

☼thirty seven☼

the chilled crisp Italian air flowed through his curls and through what seemed to be my soul. his nose was red and his cheeks flushed, looking out unto the day. he looked like a painting, he wasn't real it seemed like. but alas, he was real, real to touch, real to see, real to love. I don't think many people really realized he was human, I mean they did but they didn't take to consideration  how human he was. Elio was like a statue, and I don't just mean his looks, but I mean is soul. I mean his sturdiness and inability to be shaken. he just stood there for people to observe and for people to praise, it was as though he lived for other people and never himself. the more I got to know him, the ins and the outs. what ran through his veins, what kept him going, what made him him; was the satisfaction of other people. 

it pained me to see him, see him still continually trying to make other people happy whist his obvious pain. he wanted to be okay, he wanted to be loved, he wanted to be seen, he wanted to be heard, he wanted to matter, and I don't think he thought he could achieve any of that unless the people surrounding him were okay. which upset me, because he didn't need to be a people pleaser to be loved, heard, seen, or to matter. all he needed was to be himself. 

I tore myself away from my thoughts and turned to my dear Elio, "taxi?" I suggested lightly to him. he nodded and gave me a smile. 

"thank you," he said almost as a whisper.

"what was that?" I asked, "are you thanking me?" I chuckled a little.

"yeah, just, thank you for being here. and, like, coming with me. I know this was sudden and really a reality shift but, I needed you." he messed with the hem of his sweater 

"please believe me when I say I needed you. I couldn't have survived another draining day without you. the choice was simple. to live without a purpose or to live with one? I chose to live with one," I made it clear to him how important he was to me. without him I virtually had no purpose. no one to wake up for, to fall asleep next to. no one to look at, to adore. 

he simply gave me a look of gratitude and turned back to the street. beautiful boy, what were you thinking?  I never asked much about what he was thinking, knowing him he liked to keep his thoughts private, and I understood. when he needed to tell me things he did so, and when he wanted to stay silent he did just that. I respected him for knowing how to say things, for knowing when to say things or when not to say anything. 

I waved a taxi down instead of admiring the complexity of his mind and as I signaled, a town car pulled off to the curb we stood on, and a short, harry man hopped out of the driver seat, immediately threw our luggage into the small trunk, then ushered us into the car without saying a single word. I looked to elio in disbelief of how abrupt the small man was being with an amused smile on my face, but he simply went to the back seat as if it was nothing. I didn't think much of it at the time, but as I look back I realize its because he was in a type of daze you get into when you want to feel utterly nothing. 

the taxi ride went smoothly other than what seemed to be the absence of elio. I sat in the front seat with the driver and found out his name Marco and he had a wife and 4 children. I tried to keep elios quietness at the back of my mind and chat with Marco so he would leave him alone. I wasn't sure what was upsetting him but I knew he didn't need a chatty 40 something year old man trying to make conversation with him.

~

the soft sound of the gravel beneath the 4 tires of the car lulled for about 6 minutes before the view of a familiar Italian villa came to view. I looked back to elio to find him asleep and I nudged him leg to wake him up, "were here," I gave him a smile and he shot up quicker than I've seen him move for the last 2 weeks. his eyes glistened at the sight of the home, he missed it. he missed his home. he missed his parents and he missed his bed. he missed his home. a wave of sick overcame me when I saw this reaction.