I am his, and he his mine • cmbyn (DISCONTINUED)

thirty nine

i could almost hear the breeze as it tussled through oliver's dirty blond hair, i looked at it jealously; i wanted my fingers to rustle that hair not the wind. he just looked down at the menu, completely unaware of my longing stare, before he looked up and asked, "what will you be having?"

a simple question that did not have a answer, i hadnt even looked at menu yet, "i—uh, i don't know. you?"

"maybe the scallops, i haven't had those since i was young."

"you are young."

"heh, maybe to you. my knees tell a different story," he said jokingly and i let out a faint, airy laugh and looked down at the menu.

i read about 20 different dishes before deciding on the 4 cheese tortellini. yes, make fun of me all you want, i know it was a very italian thing to order.

not long after i made my decision, the server came around with a note pad and gently asked for our order. after she took them, she gathered out menus then was off to the kitchen. oliver and i looked at each other. i took this as an opportunity to ask him a few questions that had been gnawing at me.

"forgive me if i'm crossing a line, but um..." i wanted to talk about lisa. i feel like i hadn't addressed the entire situation properly, and i needed some answers, "can we talk about um...lisa?" i was very uncomfortable and even more so as i watch oliver shift in his seat.

"what about her?"

"i mean...we haven't really talked about it, oliver. i just...i just think i want to know if i was a second choice. i mean i understand that you guys got a divorce virtually only because she was cheating and some other specifics in the relationship itself. and i don't know, i just want to know if i'm something that you want only because she's gone. i'm just like a...a filler?" i fiddled with the hem of the table skirt

"...a filler?" he said after a moment of silence, "if anything lisa was the second choice. the safer choice i suppose. she was someone i had known for years, i knew her really before i even knew myself. i had convinced myself for years that i was in love with her, but nothing she made me feel compared to how you did. but i was just scared to admit that, especially to her or any of my family. so i did the only thing i knew to do, i asked her to marry me. because i know if i didn't have that kind of obligation to her i would have come back here in a heart beat, abandoning everything i had built in the states. so really she was just the toxic anchor, forcing me to stay underwater while i wanted so badly to resurface and be with you. sure, we got divorced because of her entanglement, but like you said, we also got divorced because of the specifics. and you, elio, were the specifics. i'll be honest with you, i told lisa about our first summer together a few months after i got back home, and when i tell you she threw a fit. she started throwing things, breaking things, but she threatened to out the situation to my family, which would have left me with no one. so we never returned to the subject because she told me if i stayed with her and treated her as to be expected, she would stay silent and forget about everything. but now...but now i don't really care about all that. because even if i loose my biological family, i have my real family here in crema, a family i wouldn't leave for anything," he smiled simply.

the smile on my face could be seen from miles away, i could feel the happiness throughout my entire body i wanted to dance around, "really mean all that?" i asked.

"yes. always."

•

our food was delicious, as expected. i think the conversation we had right before the food came out made the flavors pop a little bit more and all was perfect. the amount of laughs and wine spilled in the hour and a half we sat at that table i would rather keep a secret. this felt so good. this felt so real. everything was more vibrant. he was more vibrant. his smile a little wider, his stature a little more relaxed, his eyes a little lighter.

as i was about to get up from my seat about 3 waiters came with a small piece of cheese cake with a sparkler candle stuck in the middle of it, singing an italian rendition of "happy birthday"

i felt my cheeks flush and my heart flutter. my eyes grew wide as i looked from the cake to a cheeky smiling oliver.

"you didn't think i'd forget your birthday would you?"

•

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