DAY6 • THE TYPE

devasted pt. 3/3

hopefully this will be the last update on how im feeling, but guys i finished the exam! i think i did well in the literacy but i missed a few questions in the numeracy exam. we had 20 minutes to solve like 5 pages of math questions. i feel relieved it's over and i hate myself for stressing out, i could've done better if i studied for two weeks but it's okay. im feeling really anxious and upset now because i don't know if i really want to work in the medical field anymore. before i used to be so passionate about helping people, but i am really sad because i don't think im enough for the job. i don't think im qualified, i don't think im smart or capable. im just really afraid of my future now because i feel like i haven't progressed in the past years. im still bad at math and realised i can't work some things out without a calculator. does that make me stupid?

im also really upset, that im crying once again i wish someone could just give me a hug and comfort me, tell me it's okay, that i will be alright, that everything will be alright. that i am enough and that i am capable.. i don't know why im feeling like this, so worthless huhu. is it because i think i really am im stupid? or im getting no where in life or im just genuinely afraid of the future??

im sorry for always posting this, but to be honest this is my way of venting out my feelings, my way of expressing my thoughts. it helps because it reminds me that all of you guys care but i feel like it's too much, that all im spreading is negativity. i also realised that as a person, i lack so much. i have changed and i hate who i am. i am full of anger, hatred, negativity and it scares me because i don't know how i ended up like this. im just so lost right now, i don't know what to do with life and i know crying isn't going to help. but i just really want to make my mother proud but most importantly be happy with myself. crap im sobbing. they say never to make decisions or say stuff whenever your sad but that's just who i am. once again im sorry for the heavy update, i should try and express my thoughts another way.