hidden hearts ♡ ryden {COMPLETED}

♡eleven♡

♡Play the song. It’s “It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)” by The 1975♡

“What is it?” Brendon squeaked. He leaned over Patrick’s shoulder before the latter turned his phone so the former could see it.

The photo brought fresh tears back into Brendon’s eyes.

The photo that was pulled up was black and white and showed the bottom half of Ryan’s face from the nose down. There were tears that appeared to be falling at different rates that were on his cheeks. His hand also covered up his mouth The caption read, “I think that I have had enough. I know I have had enough of you.”

“Well, shit,” Brendon choked out weakly, looking away from the screen. “I’ve messed up both of our futures, and now we’ll both have to find someone who isn’t our soulmate who’s also gay. That’s going to be hard as shit. I don’t want him suffering for my actions.” He wiped a few away and waited for a response from the strawberry-blond.

Patrick sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. In my opinion, I’d just wait it out. You’d cause both of each other pain if you were to talk to him tonight. You were made soulmates for a reason. You’ll end up together, you have to. Just give it about a week to a month. A month would probably be the better idea though. It would give you both more time to think.”

“Yeah. I-I guess you’re right. Thanks, Trick.” He leaned over and hugged the smaller boy tight. “Look, I’m gonna go. Thanks for your help.”

“No problem. See ya Monday.”

♡♡

♡tw: self-deprecating thoughts and thoughts of self-harm. stay safe♡

Ryan lay in bed, wallowing in self-pity. This was pathetic. He was pathetic. That word just nagged on and on in his brain until it didn’t make sense anymore. Pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic patheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpathetic. He was pathetic. Just thinking about the one who fucked him over several times made him feel pathetic. He felt like a pawn in someone else’s game.

There was a soft knock on his door. “Ryan, are you okay, sweetie?” his mom, Danielle, asked.

“Just peachy,” he answered with no tone or emotion in his voice.

Ryan heard a sigh from outside his locked door. “I know you’re upset, but-”

“I don’t want to hear it!” he snapped.

“Right, I’ll just leave you alone then,” Danielle responded shortly. The sound of her footsteps slowly got quieter as she walked away from his room.

“I’m such a failure,” he muttered to himself as he pulled his duvet over his head.

I’ll never be loved by anyone, he thought. No one cares about me. Middle school taught me one thing; I’m worth absolutely nothing. I’m not smart, I’m not funny, I’m not talented, I’m not attractive. I’m worthless. I have no value.

You know what? I’m glad Brendon left. He saved himself of my misery. God, I’m so pathetic. I’m the equivalent of a scratch-off. On the outside, I may look like someone worth ten thousand bucks, but really I’m the money you lost. I’m a negative amount. Fucking worthless.

Then at that moment, Ryan’s mind went straight to hurting himself in some way. He could find a box cutter, or look around for that army knife his dad got him for his birthday. Maybe he could get a birthday candle from a kitchen cabinet and burn himself with it. Maybe he could scratch himself.

Maybe he couldn’t.

He pushed the negative thoughts aside.

Brendon.

He would be able to see everything Ryan did to himself. He’d feel everything Ryan did.

But shouldn’t he suffer too? Shouldn’t he feel the same way Ryan was? Shouldn’t he be punished for his actions?

No. He didn’t deserve that kind of pain for standing him up on one date.

Maybe he'd forgive Brendon sooner than he'd like to admit.

A/N: This might be one of the last Ryan chapters, I think there might be two more.

Happy Halloween and happy birthday Frank Iero!!