hidden hearts ♡ ryden {COMPLETED}

♡fourteen♡

It had been two weeks since Ryan was stood up.

He was breaking inside.

He thought it wouldn't be that bad. He thought he could move along, forget about his other half. He thought he could forget about the only person that could make him completely whole.

Whenever Ryan saw Brendon at school with his friends, it made all of it so much harder. Seeing Brendon laugh with them emotionally hurt Ryan. Brendon should be feeling his pain.

Should he?

Brendon was Ryan's soulmate, and Ryan wouldn't wish emotional pain on anyone. Maybe he shouldn't be feeling pain. Ryan was convinced he should've been feeling something.

Ryan got out of his bed on the Wednesday after Thanksgiving. He got ready for school like usual, but he didn't say goodbye to his parents as he left.

He hadn't said anything to them since Thanksgiving.

♡tw: anxiety attack, self-deprecating thoughts, minor homophobia, and vomiting. stay safe. i apologize immensely if i've depicted anything incorrectly.♡

"Mom, Dad, I need to tell you something," Ryan said at the quiet dinner table. The food that was on his parents' plates was already halfway eaten, whereas Ryan's was just barely picked at. He usually ate his body weight in food during holidays, but that wasn't the case now.

"Yes? What is it?" his mom asked in a condescending tone. She placed her fork down onto her plate and furrowed her eyebrows. Danielle, along with Ryan's father, stared at Ryan with the same curious gaze. George had his arms crossed and was leaning over so his elbows could rest on the tabletop.

Ryan glanced at both of his parents before becoming hunched over his food. He pushed his mashed potatoes around with his fork, seemingly being more interested in them rather than what he wanted to talk about. After a moment, he finally spoke. "I'm gay," he murmured.

Silence blanketed over the family of three before someone spoke again. "What was that?" Danielle squeaked, her line of vision still focused on her son. The tone of her voice was soft, which told Ryan right away that she heard him.

"I'm gay," Ryan repeated. His eyes focused on his food. He didn't dare look at the disappointment on his parents' faces.

"Are you sure?" his dad asked, voice small. Ryan had never heard his dad speak that quietly before.

Ryan nodded, still not making eye contact with his parents. "Remember that awful date I went on a few weeks ago?" His parents nodded. "It was with a boy. My soulmate is a boy." Ryan started to cough. He needed to hide his newly formed tears from his family. He couldn't seem weak, it would make him a failure. That day he never wanted to be reminded of made him into an even bigger failure.

When he stopped coughing, he finally looked at his parents. Danielle and George shared a knowing glance as if they knew the confession was coming. As if they knew from the start. As if they knew he was a fuck up from the moment he was born.

His father turned to face Ryan. "Well, you know we don't really agree with your um, uh-" George hesitated.

"Sexuality? Soulmate assignment?"

"Yes, those," George nodded.

"But we'll try to understand," his mother chimed in. "Honestly, we will. We just need to think some things over."

Fuck up.

Failure.

Disappointment.

"We aren't kicking you out," Danielle reassured. "You can still live here, we'll still provide for you, but give us space."

Ryan dejectedly nodded. It's if they'd already discussed this beforehand. He was such a failure. He was such a disappointment that his parents already discussed what would happen, prior to Ryan even coming out. He was such a failure, he was so obvious.

The disenchantment in his parents' words stung more than they would have if they had just yelled at him. Their steady voices made Ryan's broken shell almost completely shatter.

God, he was such a fucking failure. A disappointment. Why was anyone friends with him? He ruins fucking everything. He's such a failure. He's such a disappointment. He's a failure he's a disappointment he has to get away from here he's a disappointment get away from here get away get away failurefailuredisappointmentdisappointment.

Ryan abruptly stood up, his chair hitting the wall behind him. He didn't excuse himself as he sped to the bathroom that was closest to the dining room. He closed the door behind him before he threw himself onto the ground in front of the toilet. On his hand and knees, he craned his neck over the seat as acid washed up from his stomach. The heaving came in multiple waves, not stopping until well after he started to finally dry heave. Once he knew he was done, he wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and sat back against the cold tile wall. He closed his eyes as he waited for his labored breathing and rapid heartbeat to slowly decrease.

A few minutes passed before he pulled himself up off of the floor. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands, occasionally spitting into the sink. He looked up from the porcelain bowl after he turned the water off and dried his hands. Ryan's pale reflection stared back at him as if it were mocking him for being so fucked up. He closed his eyes and brought his hand up to his face.

Of course. Of course, he had to be the fucked up, disappointment gay kid in his disapproving family.