Lights. (An AJR fanfic)

Chapter 5

When I wake up, the first thing I realise is that I'm hungry. My stomach turns and makes me feel queazy, I know that when I actually get up, I'll be weaker than usual.

The second thing I realise, is that I'm on a hard floor. I must have fell asleep in the hallway with Jack, and the floor is far from comfy, even though I found it so last night when I sat down on it.

And the third thing I realise is that Jack is still here. I open my eyes, half out of curiosity and half out of fear. I don't know why I'm scared exactly, but the feeling comes and doesn't go.

He's laying on his side, his eyes still closed. He looks peaceful in sleep, less sarcastic, less cocky, more sweet. His mouth is open, and I'm so close to him I can hear when he breaths. I'm so amazed by this, I've never seen anyone in sleep before- I was always the first one to fall asleep at sleepovers- so when he mumbles and turns on his back, it scares the crap out of me. I jump, like I was doing something really bad, and my heart beats ten miles a minute. I wasn't doing anything bad, it was just curiosity.

Curiosity killed the cat, I stupidly remind myself. I lay back down and look at the ceiling, waiting for him to wake up, to hopefully lead me out of this dead end.

When he does wake up though, with a small smile and a yawn, for some reason I don't really want to leave. No matter how hungry I get, no matter how add this damn floor is, I like the way Jack looks in sleep.

"Hi," he says, somewhat shyly. This is the first time I've seen this side of him, and I wish I could keep it, but I can't. While all the problems I currently have run through my mind, I remember that I have to leave New York someday. Jack is probably just bing nice, is all. This was all an accident.

"Hi," I say back, sitting up. I try to avoid eye contact with him, but he notices and puts his face right in front of mie.

"What's wrong?" he asks. He looks genially concerned, but I don't let it fool me.

Out of all the emotions I'm feeling right now, embarrassment is one of the stronger ones. There's nothing to be embarrassed about though, not really. It's just very awkward.

"Nothing. Im just.." I trail off, looking down again, "Shocked still," I decide to finish. Jack touches my arm lightly, and all I can think is again with the lightness? and I wonder if this is how he approaches wounded animals, because that's how I feel.

"Shocked," Jack replies quietly. He blinks once, then starts to get up.

"Where are you going?" I ask stupidly. I forgot that we still had to get back, wherever back was.

Jack just smiles at me, then helps me up. Once I'm standing, though, he doesn't let go of my hand, and I feel so awkward it's not funny. I was never good with other people, and that includes human contact. Kari was the only person I liked hugging or holding hands with, and now that Jack is holding my hand, I want to pull back. I'm tired and hungry, I'm scared of what will happen next, I'm as confused as ever, and Jack holding my hand doesn't help. But at the same time, I can't pull away. I don't want to hurt him, he looks so innocent and happy and wistful walking next to me, and before I can even decide weather I should pull away or wait for him to pull away, we're in a kitchen.

Jack is the one to pull away. He walks to a large cook and talks to him for a minute. I just stand at the door, wondering what to do next. I feel like that is always what I'm asking, what to do next.

"I ordered breakfast, even though it's afternoon," Jack smiles at me. I realise that I need to get away. I can't think straight when I'm near Jack, I need to get away from him for even a minute.

"Thanks," I say, "Um. I need a shower. Where's the restroom?" I ask awkwardly, but Jack just smiles.

"First door on the right," he says pointing down the hall. I follow his directions and as soon as the door closes, I lean against it and slid down to the floor. I runny hand through my hair an try to sort my thoughts out.