Cuts || Taekook [ Finished ]

8

it was for jeongguk to hold me back, as tears streamed down my face, my arms mowing through the air agressively. "NO, FUCK YOU! NO JIMIN! YOU PROMISED ME! JIMIN!"

i remember the sad smile on his face everyday.

from the day jimin died, everything changed. jeongguk was with me most of the time. i didn't go to school, screamed to everyone that came too close, and didn't speak a normal word to anyone at all. i guess i didn't had any value to the world at this point, if i ever did anyway. my mind was filled with black thoughts, pain, and sometimes, just nothing at all. i spent the days drawing, or listening to music whenever jeongguk was around. when i went to the bathroom to "pee" i would cut my body open. split it up. not in my arms, i didn't want jeongguk to notice, but in my belly, my upperlegs, my hips. when i would come back with reddened eyes, jeongguk would notice, and hug me, only causing the pain to get worse, because the cuts are fresh and painful. it was all my fault. if i just could've had called 911 faster. if i just told him to at least eat one piece of apple a day. if i could just see it was going to happen. if i could just- just be there for him. jeongguks arms rested on my hips, i heard him talk, but i didn't listen to what he said, i just cried, cried and held onto him, something i'd never done.

we were laying in my bed, covered under the sheets, time passing by as we laid in silence. "taehyung?" i hummed, not in the mood to talk. "do you want to-" his voice cracked. "talk?" i opened my mouth, feeling dried up and unnatural, and closed it again. "i miss you, tae." i sighed and turned around, my back towards jeongguk. "tae-" "shut up jeongguk. i don't need the 'oh im so sorry now please move on because i need you' talks." at this point i had turned around and looked deeply into jeongguks eyes. he sighed. "i'm sorry- that's not what i want, tae. i just need you to be strong, that's what jimin had wanted." i clenched my fists at hearing his name. "don't hold it back, hyung.." i loosened my fists, and tears immediately fell down from my eyes. "i-i m-mi-miss h-hi-im j-jeongg-guk.. i mi-iss him s-so much.." my weak voice cracked inbetween snorts of ugly cries. jeongguk scooted closer and wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me close. "shhh.. baby.. i'm here." it was the first time he called me baby, and it made me cry even harder. we laid there for hours.

a few hours later, around nine in the morning, i woke up to an empty bed and rain falling down from the dark sky above my house. my hand swiped over the empty spot in my bed, jeongguks spot, and noticed it had gone cold, so he had left quite a while ago. jeongguk still went to school, and sometimes would go to work, even though he had decided to stay home more to be able to take care of me.

i dragged myself out of my bed and into the kitchen, looking for a paper from him. a notice to where he had gone. a yellow note hung on the fridge.

"i'll be home soon, made you breakfast - jeonggukkie"

i checked the fridge to find pancakes and bacon, only had to warm them up. i closed the door again, and walked to the bathroom. i turned on the water of the shower. i pulled the clothes of my body, some bloodstains on the insides of my sweatpants, and threw them in the washingbin. i looked at myself, scars and cuts everywhere. my body isn't muscled at all, it looks weak, tired. my skin is tanned, a light peanut brownish color. i pull down my boxershort too, throw it in the bin, and step under the shower. i sing a sad song, called sad song. i miss jimin, i miss my dad, i miss my mom, and.. i miss jeongguk. just when i am reaching the chorus, theres a knock on the door. "i'm home!" jeongguks voice shouts from the other side. "gukkie?" i yell back. "yea?" "please come here for a second..?" my voice says now, softer. the door clicks, and jeongguk comes in, only a showercurtain between us now. "what is it, hyung?" jeongguk askes, his voice ever so soft. "c-could you - hug me..?" "now?" i hum softly. i hear a belt buckle, and clothing shoving down. his hand wraps around the curtain and the next second he's stepping into the shower. once he's there, he wrappes his arms around me, and i bury my face into his chest, inhaling his scent. "did you fall?" jeongguk suddenly asked. "no..? why?" "there's alot of scars and cuts on your body, taetae, are you alright?" my heart stopped beating for a second or two. "u-uhh-uhm uh.. t-those are- are uhm.." "you cut yourself, don't you?" jeongguk asked, his voice soft, caring. i couldn't notice any sprain of disappointment or anger in his voice, so i sighed and gripped onto his rather strong shoulders and nodded against his chest. "i-i-i am s-so s-sorry i-im a-a fa-failure i-" i was cut of by jeongguks lips. they pressed onto mine softly. at first i didn't know how to respond, my eyes widened, my heart beated faster than i was aware it could, and my grip on his shoulders loosened. "tae, you can be anything you want to be, but you're not a failure." he whispered in my ear after pulling back. "easy to say for you.." i mumbled. his hand under my chin lifted my face, "tae, i'll show you how beautiful you are, how special, how unique, how lovely, how you're definately worth it, how cute, how sweet, how you are you just the right way." and he kissed me again, this time, with me responding, and kissing him back softly.

//i love jimin <3