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Edmonton Green, London
Sam Smith Latch acoustic version, blared from my speaker as tears poured down my face. I stared at my phone screen as my thumb hovered over the block button. I ended things with Marcus so why was I feeling like this? My life doesn't seem to be making any sense. One minute, I feel like I hate Marcus and the next minute, I feel... Well I don't know what I feel, to be honest. The truth to be told, I wanted to hate him. I know I can't put all the blame on him at the end of the day but I'm just a human with feelings also, I'm not a robot. I wanted to hate him for making me have these countless of sleepless nights, the amount of tears I've wasted him if I just couldn't find it within me to hate Marcus as much as I wanted to.
He came into my life and turned everything upside down.
However, I'm a fool, right?
Actually, don't even answer that question. I already know the answer. I should of known better than getting involved with someone whose heart already belong to someone else. I allowed myself to fall deep, feelings I didn't want to resurface again. Type of feelings I told myself, I never wanted to catch for another man again but somehow Marcus came along and changed all that.
Clicking on the block button I placed my phone on my beside table, replacing it with the white stick that I had urinated on around three minutes ago. I felt my heart shatter as my eyes read over the cross, indicating that I was in fact pregnant but how could this be? Marcus always used a condom, how was this possible. I didn't know how to feel, instead I forced more tears out of my eyes. This seems to be the only thing that I've know to do recently.
That night I cried knowing what I was already going to do, there was no way I was bringing a baby into this world when Marcus didn't want a family with me, who was I now to push another baby on him?
* *
"Pregnant?" Briana repeated after me. I nod, placing a piece of pineapple in my mouth. I felt her gaze on me, I looked at her with my brow raised slight as in what? "Have you told him?"
I shook my head.
"I'm not going to. I'm done with Marcus, he made it clear that I was never going to be more than a fuck to him." I sigh, "I ain't forcing a baby on that man. If he doesn't want me, I just need to move on." I looked away, "I never asked him to leave her for me. Not once but all this time to just know I was another fuck to him hurts Briana, I thought he had some sort of feelings towards me." I laugh lightly, shaking my head. "Clearly not. I'm good though."
"Nahla you can tell me how you really feel you know. I'm you're best friend, I won't judge you. I might not agree with all your actions lately but I'm your friend before anything else."
We were currently in my bedroom as it was a Friday night. And we had nothing planned, well I don't. Briana has a date night planned with Kieron in the next hour or so. I couldn't keep this pregnancy to myself, I had to tell Briana.
