The Chronicles of Nahla.

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NAHLA

I could feel the anger and hate running through my veins as I watched, him take a swing of the bottle that contained a brown liquid - Hennessy. It was the day after the whole drama that went down, instead of going home Jamir dragged me into his car forced me to stay the night and taking my phone not allowing me to se if Marcus was alright or not. I couldn't put a finger on it because I did not know what I was doing with Jamir, at first it was to get my mind off of Marcus but now seeing this side of him was very of putting. Jamir had a huge issue with Marcus and he never hid the fact that he couldn't stand him but if I was to ask him why is he always taking bad about the man he would simply tell me to shut your mouth Nahla. Stay out of it. I was now growing frustrated with everything around me, I just needed to see if Marcus was doing alright. I didn't want him thinking I don't care because a girl still loves him but I know that he also isn't right for me. At this point I needed a break from both, Jamir and Marcus.

"Jamir," I started. "I need to go home - can I have my phone back?"

He looked up at me through his lashes, I could tell that the mixture of the alcohol and weed wasn't about to tell this whole situation.

Once again I blame Carman for all of this.

"You love him huh?" He slurred out. I furrowed my brows together in confusion, even though I knew he was referring to Marcus. "Answer me this Nahla?" He raises his voice but when I did not answer he sucked his teeth, standing to his feet he walks closer to me also making me alert to my feet.

"Jamir you need to calm down," I say calmly.

"I need to ca- shut your mouth Nahla."

He pushed me lightly, making me stumble back a bit. I bit down onto my bottom lip, not saying a word.

"Jamir," I warned, in a low tone. "Don't put your hands on me."

"What is it about him you like so much? What cos he's light skin?"

I scoffed;

"Now you sound dumb," I laughed shaking my head. "Am I not here with you right now huh? Jamir you need to leave me alone. I ain't playing with you."

"What you gonna do call Menace on man?" He chuckles, "I ain't afraid of him cos he ain't better than man."

I looked at him and shook my head, pointing towards the bottle of Hennessy that was in his hand, "you need to stop drinking."

"Shut your mouth Nahla!"

I jumped at his sudden outburst.

"You'll be mines- fuck that. Why haven't we beat yet?" He said instantly grabbing onto my throat, causing my airway go cut off - I started choking, gasping for air because the grip he had on me wasn't no sexual grip, from the tightness off the grip and the look in the eyes I could see that he was hurting. And that was because of me. Tears started falling for my eyes. I never thought I would experience such thing; somehow, Jamir grip had gotten even tighter - slowly my eyes started shutting until I seen nothing but blackness but I still managed to hear his words:

"you'll fall in love with believe that Nahla - even if I have to kill you."

I heard a ringing sound, I gasped for air as I felt his hands unclasping from my neck. I watched as he went to answer the door and took this as my time to run into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, I could hear him shouting my name talking about he wasn't finished with me yet.

I didn't know what to do other than allow the tears to fall down my face, as I slid down the bathroom door with my face in the palm of my hands.

The loud banging continued as he screamed the abusive words at me, calling me out of my name.

"Nahla I love you," I heard, instead of warming my heart those words made me shiver within fear. I stayed silent, ignoring him. As he screamed how much he did not mean to put his hand on me and how he won't do it again.

How sick could on be? I still couldn't believe that he had done that.

I could literally feel myself slowly hating this man and I didn't want to hate him because I couldn't have Marcus even if I wanted him.

At this point I couldn't feel sorry myself, I didn't want to feel sorry for myself but I did feel sorry for this baby growing inside of me...

            LONDON, EDMONTON GREEN

"I'm so sorry - I'm sorry," I cried while shaking my head. I was now back at home, I had managed to leave Jamir's house, without him knowing and when he did realise that I was gone he's been blowing up my phone.

"Calm down Nahla," he reassured me but I continued shaking my head, I felt his finger ran along my neck over the small bruises from when Jamir had his hands wrapped around my throat. "I'm going to kill him." I heard him mumbled out.

I couldn't even look him in his face, his lip was little busted and his face had small bruises that wasn't to noticeable but it could still be seen if you were this close up.

"What you doing with that dickhead Nahla?" He questions but I'm sure it was a rhetorical one.

"Marcus I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologising man." He sucked his teeth, "look at you - big man ting, I'm going to kill your liccle boyfriend."

When I left Jamir's, yes I went to find Marcus. I didn't know what to do with myself, I needed some sort of comfort and Marcus has always been good at that. When I found him, outside the local chip shop - he waste no time in questioning me but I just wanted to him to hold me so I could feel safe.

I hate it but I couldn't help but feel that I was starting to depend on man all the time.

I shook my head, "just leave it. I don't want you getting hurt because of me. Leave Jamir alone."

I felt his body tense up, "nah Nahla - look at your neck bruv. Don't be telling me to leave Jamir alone. I done told you, that you're mines, you think I ain't fucking mad? Nah cos I'm vex big time vex."

I placed my hands on the side of his face, ignoring what he just said. I looked him dead in the eyes, and I couldn't even deny the love I had for this man. I may like Jamir but the love I had for this man here wasn't about to shift for now.

"Marcus shut up - make me feel good please." I pleaded.

That night, I realised I didn't need a man like Jamir in my life but I couldn't have Marcus to myself even if I wanted him.

I shouldn't of but once again I did.. I couldn't help myself, it's like I have this urge of wanting attention - needing the attention of Jamir's or Marcus but Jamir was the one to give me his full attention, I didn't have to share him whereas with Marcus he was mines but wasn't fully mines if you get what I mean? He belonged to a whole other women - Jamir belonged to me, so I did ..