Soulless (Book #2 of Hunted)

I Feel Bad

"Lori, is everything alright?" Phoebe asked from the top of the basement stairs. I couldn't reply I was weeping so my face tucked into Zane's shoulder breathing in the smell of his skin, his hair. It had been so long.

"Lori?" Phoebe said, "Are you dead?" I felt him pull away from me and he shouted up the stairs, "Everything's fine." I heard her feet thumping rapidly down the stairs and when she got to the bottom she let out a soft cry.

"Are you--is he?" she stammered taking a hesitant step closer. I finally let go of him turning to look at her tears still streaming down my face and I replied, "We did it, Pheebs. We brought him back." I turned back to look at him and took his face in my hands whispering, "You're back."

He reached up and covered my hands with his. They were cold, but incredibly tender. They made my insides tremble. He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against mine. They were soft and slightly warm from his most recent feed. His breath smelled like blood.

My tears began afresh. I knew I wanted this back, but I had no idea how much. The kiss made my heart beat faster and my face grow hot. It was impossibly gentle. This was Zane. This was my Zane. Keegan could never take this from me.

Suddenly he pulled away and he closed his eyes tight his fingers tensing on top of mine. I turned my hands and took his taking them off his face and I asked, "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and replied, "It's still hard. Even after all the blood...I still want..." He trailed off and shook his head again his fingers squeezing mine.

"It'll pass," he murmured as if willing it to be true. I felt my heart beating hard in my chest. I knew it would still be a problem. I knew it would. I was prepared. I knew he wouldn't be perfect, but he was better. He was definitely better.

He sighed and opened his eyes whispering, "Yes, I am better. Not perfect, but better." He had read my mind. The moment he embraced me my mental walls had come tumbling down. It was a relief.

He looked at me and asked, "Lori...how am I supposed to live with myself? I killed nearly twenty people in the last two weeks." I tried not to think about it, but they sometimes visited me in my dreams. Not the cheerleaders, but Rachel...Kathryn...Ophelia, even Nadia. I saw their faces in my sleep, but while I was awake I shoved them away. I covered them up. I put them in lock boxes and filed them away.

"How...how did you do it last time?" I finally asked and he shook his head replying, "I still haven't." I blinked slowly and held his hands tightly in mine.

"I had this therapist once after my parents died and she told me if I start feeling anxious or depressed about something then I have to ask three questions," I said slowly. He nodded and I continued, "Is it the end of the world?" He was silent until I raised my eyebrows at him and he said, "I guess not."

"Is there anything you can do to fix it?" I asked and reluctantly he shook his head replying, "No." I gave a small smile and stated, "Then why worry about it? You can't change the past, Zane. The only thing you can do is be better in the future."

He returned my smile and murmured, "You make me feel like I can do better. Meeting you made me want to try and live my life instead of just...wallowing in my guilt."

"I love you, Zane," I said and his black eyes glossed over shiny with tears and he leaned forward pressing his forehead against mine and whispering, "I love you too, Lorelei."

"So I take it when Keegan made you go back through that portal to see Clay and tell him not to do the hex you did the complete opposite," Phoebe suddenly said interrupting our moment. I had almost forgotten she was there.

I turned to look at her and replied, "Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you--"

"No, I get it," she said crossing her arms over her chest and watching the two of us as if she were waiting for something awful to happen. She sighed and continued, "It was the right thing to do. I've been trying to practice guarding my thoughts, but I'm not real good at it and I'm sure Keegan could make me tell him anything even without his supernatural persuasion."

"Keegan..." Zane mumbled and I looked at him. He covered his face with his hands and sighed. He rubbed his eyes and asked, "Where is he now?"

I shrugged and replied, "I don't know. I just told him I needed some alone time and he left. He said he had some things to take care of anyway and Clay said it would be best if he were out of the house when it happened."

I heard a growl rumble deep in his chest and I fought the urge to scramble back across the line. I heard Phoebe inhale sharply.

"You had to get him involved in this," he said and I could hear the anger. It made him sound like Anton.

"It was the only way to get the spell. It was the only way to bring you back," I insisted and he huffed angrily through his nose looking away from me.

"She couldn't have done it?" he snapped and Phoebe shook her head replying, "I didn't get to see the ritual, but I'm sure it was way too complicated for me." He huffed again and crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw muscle twitched.

"Are-are you sure you're alright?" I asked reaching out to touch his shoulder. "You're sure it worked, right?" He reluctantly looked at me and his hard eyes softened.

"I'm sure. I feel bad for snapping at you. I feel bad for drinking blood from unwilling donors. I feel bad for making you miserable. I feel bad for all the trouble I've caused. I feel bad for k-killing those girls. I even feel bad for bringing Keegan into this shit-storm after shutting him out of my life for the last two decades." He inhaled loudly his breath sounding tight in his lungs and he shook his head saying, "God, Lori, I feel really fucking bad about everything, so yes I'm sure it worked."