Chapter Seventeen

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A/N: Why is this chapter so hard? Hmm? Forgive me...



Baekhyun:


Chanyeol got up out of the bed and grabbed a pair of shorts off a chair in the corner of the room. I watched him tug them on and then jog towards the door to go after his sister.

"Yoora!" He shut the door behind him and I was left alone in the dark quiet room. I snuggled deeper into the sheets and breathed in deep when I caught the scent of Chanyeol on them. I had stopped feeling like I was floating around in dreamland. I felt a little more grounded. My brain had been going, going, going I'd left my father in the hospital.

The doctors had been working on him for some time when they'd come to tell me he was gone. I had been sitting in the waiting room and I'd been so shocked they'd asked if I wanted to reconsider discharging myself. Spending a night in there? No. I'd snapped out of my stupor and called my mother. I told her to come to the hospital and nothing else. Her reaction when she heard the news was completely different from mine. My mother had collapsed in a heap on the floor and started wailing miserably. It had been so hard to listen to, I'd just walked out. And kept walking.

At some point I'd found a taxi and when the driver had asked me where I wanted to go, I struggled for a long time. I didn't want to speak to anyone, but did I really want to be alone with my thoughts all night? Xiumin? Chen? Sehun? All of them would be busy at this time of the day and I wasn't so sure they would leave me alone like I wanted to be. I loved my friends but they could be a bit much sometimes. Eventually I had mumbled the address for Yoora's house and sat back in the taxi, watching the rain sliding down the windows, the windscreen wipers squeaking rhythmically. When Chanyeol had opened the door as soon as I got here, I'd been so relieved I couldn't speak.

I sighed softly and curled around his pillows, half listening out for any noises outside the door. It wasn't long before Chanyeol was back in his room looking flushed.

"Baekhyun." He sighed. "Yoora says your mother is looking for you."

"I don't want to talk to my mother." I said quietly. He moved closer to the bed and slid under the sheets with me.

"She's worried about you." He said.

"It's too late to worry about me." I muttered and Chanyeol dragged me towards him.

"Baekhyun. I know you loved your father - "

"Don't talk to me about my father." I gasped out softly but he carried on.

"It's OK to be sad, you know that right?" He looked at me so earnestly that my eyes filled up with tears again.

"I wasn't." I said. "I wasn't sad when they told me." Chanyeol's eyes dipped with confusion.

"I don't understand..."

"The doctors ... they came to tell me he was gone...Do you know what the first thing I felt was? Relief." I choked on a small sob. "I was so relieved, I couldn't move. I was PARALYSED with relief that my own father was dead, Chanyeol." Tears were falling faster from my eyes now and I sat up on my knees. ""What...what kind...of son...am I?" I asked between stilted breaths.

"Don't say that." He said softly. "You're a good son. The best son."

"We were arguing. And he followed me into the road. That means I killed him, right? Doesn't it? I'm not the best son, I'm the worst." I sank back on the bed, finding it harder to breathe now.

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