passing notes | j.jk

chapter 44

There isn't an emotion to describe the intense longing that was burning in my mind, how many thoughts and how much time I've put into just wondering about her, how she was and the things that she could be doing.

It wasn't as if I didn't text her either, just to make sure that wouldn't disappear again, no.

Even after we stopped talking to each other, and even before we did, it was like my hands were still brimming with messages to send, getting lodged and set aside until she would answer her phone again. I couldn't get the image of her sitting in that bench alone away from the center stage of my thoughts, nor the words that she said from re-running like a record tape over and over again.

She wouldn't stop invading my mind.

It was nearly painful, having so many things to say for once, only for them to be slowly answered, one by one.

(But what I didn't know was that this would continue for a much longer time than I thought.)

I even resorted to asking Yugyeom why I was like this, to which his reply was,

You're obsessed

and

Your emotions for her are getting stronger

In which just threw an even bigger knot of contemplation into the brewing sea of questions unanswered, and one that I wanted to figure out.

Sure, a reason could be is that my infatuation was developing into something more dangerous, one that could soon be way out of my control and led astray by my heart.

Or it could just be the surprise of realizing what I knew about her probably didn't even amount to the things that I had no idea about.

Or perhaps it's a bit of both or an aspect that so wildly farfetched that I haven't come to think of it yet.

But either way, when I made my way into the school building, it's as if I haven't set foot in it for a long time. The way I carried myself through the hallways and maneuvered around groups of students all seemed different. The bundle of nerves and energy thriving inside of me made all the simple actions that I've done for most of my life seem foreign and strange as if there might be something new that I haven't caught on to yet.

But when I entered the classroom, my eyes were locked onto a spot of the room that I've grown familiar to glancing at.

Jia's desk.

And there she was, hunched over her desk with pencil in hand, seemingly writing or drawing something inside of her notebook.

And just like that, all of the thoughts that were constrained over the weekend jumped out all at once, fighting for a spot on my tongue, waiting to be spoken.

But, the closer that I got to her the more the questions seemed to fade and float away into the back of my mind, as if her presence alone was enough to make everything hazy.

So instead of asking a question, when I went up to her desk, two simple words left my mouth.

"Good morning," I said, and her head quickly snapped up towards mine, a faint smile on her lips.

"Good morning Jungkook," she replied, connecting her eyes with mine for a moment before her eyebrows furrowed.

"You okay? You seem a bit, dazed," she said, setting her pencil down.

"I'm, alright," I responded, exhaling quietly to regain myself and not lose focus in her warm brown eyes.

"But how about you? Are you okay?" I said, letting my hands grip on the edge of her desk, moving ever so closer toward her. My eyes flickered to the skin underneath her own, noticing that they still had the same weary appearance.