Secrets & Slytherins

Chapter 17: Nothing

Grace pulled the blanket over her bed, smoothing it down before Noah and her sat on it. She waited patiently for him to speak.

"I took a risk getting you out of that house and apparating us back to Hogwarts, but I knew what I was getting myself into. I was well aware that, eventually, my father would find out what I did, and he'd be pissed."

Grace studied Noah's face. Her gaze traveled over his black eye. She stared at it until the boy continued.

"It's safe to say he was furious," he said with a small chuckle, pointing to his bruised face. "Obviously it wasn't hard to figure out that I was the one who helped you escape, but I have my suspicions about who got the word out so quickly."

Noah had already thought back to the other night a million times. He was pretty certain that he had connected the dots to it all. He remembered the smug look on Ryan's face when he saw that Grace was safely back at the castle. That boy's expression hadn't shown any glimpse of confusion. Ryan was happy because he knew that Noah would save Grace. Seeing that Noah had failed gave him the perfect opportunity to report it back to Mr. Dolohov. All of this was payback for something. Noah knew it must have been that Ryan found out Grace told him about the way he treated her. There was no other explanation.

"But, Merlin, after what I did to you, I can't say I didn't deserve it," Noah continued, shaking his head. He lifted his gaze up to lock eyes with Grace. "When my father took me to the other room, he hit me so hard it was like he slapped the sense right out of me. After that, I felt like I wasn't even in control of myself anymore. That's the best way I can explain it to you. I know that you can understand what I'm saying, especially after what happened with you once we got back to Hogwarts."

Grace took in everything the Slytherin was saying, but once the last words left his lips, she froze.

"What are you talking about?" she asked with an eyebrow raised. Grace's mind traveled back a few days, searching that night for something similar to what Noah brought up.

Noah's eyes widened ever-so-slightly. She really didn't remember. Maybe it was best that she never found out what she did, or at least, tried to do.

"Nothing, nothing. Nevermind. I must have-" he started.

"It's not nothing. I can tell." Grace's gaze remained firm. "What happened?"

Noah sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand as he thought of how to approach the conversation.

"Well, I just meant that you understood what it was like to not be in control. When we arrived back at the castle, you saw Ryan and immediately dragged him to the Slytherin common room to..." Noah trailed off.

"To...to what?" Grace asked, her heart fluttering as she scanned the boy's face for an answer.

"To have sex with him."

The blood rushed out of Grace's face. Merlin, she felt like she was about to vomit.

"Oh, Noah, please tell me I didn't sleep with him."

"No, no, of course not. I stopped you before you could move any further. It's just..." Noah bit the inside of his cheek. "When I told you that you were making a mistake, you grabbed me instead. You said that if you couldn't do it with Ryan, then you'd do it to me."

Grace's eyes were brimmed with tears, her face was flushed, and the nausea overwhelmed her.

"I didn't bring this up to upset you, Grace. I'm sorry I ever said anything. Let's just forget it. We can forget this whole thing," Noah explained.

"No," Grace replied quickly, shaking her head. "Finish what you were going to say, Noah." She blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. "Finish it."

Noah took a deep breath. This conversation should have never happened. He was so stupid.

"You didn't have control over yourself, Grace. That's all I was trying to say. I didn't have control and you didn't have control." Noah swallowed hard. "You wanted to have sex with someone because you needed to be in control of something, Grace. You wanted to know how Ryan felt the night that he...you know..." Noah's eyes watched her carefully.

Grace released a shaky breath. She fiddled with her fingers to try to distract herself from the pounding headache that had crept up on her.

"Merlin, I'm so sorry, Noah. I don't remember any of it." Grace stopped, staring at her hands. "I know you said you weren't in control that night. Maybe that means I should just forgive you and move on or something." Noah smiled softly at her words. "But you can't just expect me to do that. That night ruined me, Noah. It's going to take a long time for me to recover from something like that."

"I know. I understa-"

"I can't trust you again, Noah. You have to get that through your head. I appreciate you opening up to me about that night, but nothing is going to repair the trust that you broke."

Noah's heart sunk. That stupid word repeating in his head like an unforgiving echo.

Nothing.