Filthy Little Secret - Draco x reader

26 - Without hesitation

I'm completely in shock. Snape is forcing Draco to break up with me? And he is planning on doing so? Why? I guess something was up when he stopped sending me letters. I want to do something, but I don't know what. It's probably because I'm a half-blood. Snape said that 'he won't spare me'. I suppose he's talking about Draco's dad. We managed for half a year, why the sudden change?

I fall asleep crying that night.

As I wake up I decide to act like I didn't hear that last night. If Draco really loves me, he won't do it, right? I can't lose him.

I put on my robes and comb my hair, making sure I look pretty, even though that isn't easy with the still healing fractures and cuts.

I walk to the Great Hall and look for the blonde. I see him sitting at the Slytherin table. This is one of those moments where I hate the not-sitting-with-other-houses-rule. I smile brightly at him, but just get a sad smile in return. It was not a dream.

I sit next to Draco in Potions and Charms, but he is distant. He wouldn't push me away when I hugged or kissed him, but he wouldn't take the first step either. When I want to hang out with him he says he's busy. I keep it up until Friday, but I'm getting unhappier by the day. I can feel that it's going to happen and I can't wait until he finally decides to tell me.

So after my last class on Friday, Defence Against the Dark Arts, I drag him with me to the Courtyard. He's confused, but I think the look on my face is giving him hints.

"If you have anything to tell me, do it now", I tell him and cross my arms.

"What?" he asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Why didn't you reply to my letters, Draco?" I asked and his eyes look around, a slight hint of panic in them.

"My dad didn't allow me to", he says and I roll my eyes.

"And he did the first four weeks? Don't lie to me, Draco. You've been distant for the entire week, just tell me what's going on?" I say and he sighs. It stays silent for a while and I resist the urge to hug him.

Suddenly, his facial expression turns hard and empty.

"I'm breaking up with you", he says and my eyes widen. Just like that.

"What?" I say and he looks away, still not showing any emotion.

"It's over, we're done", he says.

I can't process what's happening. I assumed this would happen, but I thought he'd explain to me that he had to, that someone was forcing him. I didn't expect this.

"Why?" I ask, still baffled. It stays silent for a long time. Suddenly, he looks straight into my eyes and his blueish grey eyes don't shine. They have this hard expression that is impossible to read.

"Because I don't love you anymore", he says. That's what took me by surprise. He said that whilst looking at me, without hesitation. As if he meant it. I expected him to tell me that he'd always love me, but that we needed to break up until he had things figured out. That he'd be back when everything was over. I expected him to still love me just as much as I loved him.

"That's not true and you know it", I say and my lip starts to tremble, causing tears to spill from my eyes. I don't dare to break eye contact, still believe that he's lying.

"Well, it is. Get over it, half-blood", he spits. Those words hit me hard. Half-blood. He called me that word so many times, but it never hurt as much as it does now. The Draco I know would never say something like that to me. Where was he? He stood right in front of me - yet so far away.

Suddenly, he turns around and walks away. I stand there in disbelief, before I fall to the ground and break down crying.

I skip dinner that night and go straight to bed. I never expected him to do something like that. I thought I knew him. But right now, I'm not so sure about that. One thing that Snape said pops up again. Does she have any idea how close your family is to the dark side? Knowing your aunt would be enough to scare her away. What did he mean by that? He vaguely told me about his aunt in his letters, but I have no idea who she is. Thinking about it, I don't even know his mother's name. He might have siblings and I wouldn't know. He always asked me things, but he would always be vague about his life. I knew that his dad used to be a Death Eater and that he treated him badly, but that's basically it. Suddenly, I had this urge to know. To find some kind of explanation to why he did what he did. I just hoped there was one.

The image of his angry, grey eyes looking straight into mine is replaying over and over again whilst he is saying that he doesn't love me. I don't think I've ever felt as sad as I do now. There must be an explanation and if there isn't one, I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I love him, and he crushed me.

When I wake up the next day, I'm feeling horrible, but I get up anyway. I haven't accepted it yet and I'm postponing that as much as possible, knowing that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I make my way over to breakfast. Luckily it's Saturday, which gives me enough time to do what I need to do. I walk over to the Gryffindor table.

"Hermione, can you come to the library after breakfast? I need your help", I say and she nods. "Sure."

"Hey Y/N, what's up with Malfoy, he looks dead", Ron says, pointing at the Slytherin table. Draco is sitting at it, looking down at his plate and pushing around some food. He looks pale. Draco is always pale, but right now his skin looks almost translucent and the bags under his eyes didn't do him much good either.

"I don't know", I say.

I don't like the feelings I'm feeling so I just leave, leaving the trio puzzled.

After half an hour, Hermione joins me in the library and sits in front of me.

"What's up?" she asks.

"What do you know about the Malfoy family?" I ask, cutting straight to the chase, and she looks up surprised.

"Why?" she asks.

"Long story", I mumble and she looks at me confused, but I know she realises that I don't want to talk about it.

"Well, the things I know aren't exactly positive", she says. "I don't care, just tell me everything you know."

So she does. She tells me about how his family has always been rich and powerful ever since mediaeval times. They have always been known for their pureblood supremacy. She told me about how his father has always been a Death Eater and was recently sent to Azkaban. It had something to do with a profecy. He never told me that his dad was in Azkaban. Yesterday he told me that he was the one forbidding him to send me letters. She also told me about his aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange. When I heard that name I was in shock. I heard plenty about this evil witch. How did I not know that she was his aunt? She talked about some more facts and Harry's suspicions that Draco might have become a Death Eater as well. My mind was a mess. Draco was so incredibly kind inside. I could always talk to him and he'd always take care of me. I couldn't possibly imagine that he could be a Death Eater. He can't be, Draco is not a bad person. Or maybe he was just a way more gifted occlumens than I was.