Her Spirit Crying Out

Sorry Masculity Femininity Wins

Ive always classified male and female into two groups. Male the pillar of strength and domiance, the people that took charge and blasted everything in their path to build something out of it and female the beautiful and goddess like figures of the world. I knew for many years i was never qualified to be a male. I just didn't have what it took to match that strength and when i started turning into a girl i wasnt sure i was quite worthy to join their ranks either.They where everything i wanted to be but yet it seem so unlikly i was worthy enough to be one. So tonight i thought we'd talk about both embarrassment and bliss two things as a girl and as a sub i have come two know as just life, but we will start with embarrassment its tough changing into a girl and i dont mean physically that parts easy and exciting just involves taking my cute pills aka (estrogen and testostone blockers) , but the emotional clusterfuck that comes with it is a totally diffrent story. Growing up as a boy was tough even in the early years of my life wanting to be femme and a sub these are things i had strong ties and pulls towards, but as child i didnt know what they where or y i was feeling this way. For instance i use to be super close with two girls growing up they where like my best freinds from my home town. They where both lesbians and a year older than me but they where the epitome of true strength. I mean seriously i once saw one of them rip a tree stump out of the ground and whip it at someone and she was 13!!! but i digress they often played various games with me and not the games normal kids play from dressing me up as a girl, to tieing me up to things to putting me in a cage. I think now looking back they had to be mistresses but im not sure but they truly seemed to enjoy what we did and i think thats what mattered. I remember every time they decided to take my clothes and make me wear theirs my face boiled red but at the same time my soul did back flips. After all what girl dosent want to wear comfy clothes right?! I remember every time they dressed me up i was so happy. Something at the time i toatally didn't understand and they just laughed thinking i was weird but it amused them it made no sense y a boy wanted this, and often my testosterone raged against it but that was small patatos compared to the next couple years. When i started to get a sex drive this was akward one because i worshiped girls and to because i secretly wanted to be one! I remember in high school i became the most awkward fuck alive witch landed me into some pretty fucked up spots. Like with a best freind ashley in high school. she was the toughest girl ever most people stayed clear of her she scared people, but i quickly found my self sitting with her at lunch and in classes. Witch not only got me huge amounts of degrading but also a couple beatdowns weirld thing was all of it made me happy from the bruises i wore to the insults she called me i was in perfect bliss. I found my self submiting to her very quickly im pretty sure she noticed it to because she started talking to me and really opening up to me realising that i would do anything she wanted. I started telling her about my dreams of becoming a girl and the very strange things i like and she giggled from time to time, though she smiled looking at me the whole time she understood and supported me. We'd talk all day and all night until things got intresting like a couple days after i told her she decided to take complete control. This time in a loving supportive way that also happend to humilate and embarrass me though i didnt mind it cause i always blush when it happens and blushing helps me feel femme. The next day when she walked into school she wore i devilsh grin. I was talking to some guy freinds at the table and she walked by grabing my shirt collar and said come on. Dragging me into the girls bathroom i remeber feeling all the blood in my body pumping at like 102 mph! We walked in and there was two girls in their who looked and laughed at me in Ashley grip but she said laugh again and the girl got out ha before ashley beat the ever living shit out of her. The girls all ran off she pushed me in a stall and said strip i said what are you fucking crazy but she just glared at me and i quickly just did what i was told i mean this girl just defended me i did owe her and she was looking me straight in the eyes the whole time thats something my own family cant even do but her no problem as i was thinking she said i promise youll like it. My eyes just went wide as she pulled out some of her clothes panties pants and a rocker tee. She said slide them on come on i protested knowing it was pointless to fight with her. I was like are you nuts your the only girl who knows this secret.! She said dont worry you can wear your icky boy clothes over them but i want you to be comfy. I remember tears started streaming down my face despite me trying to stop them. Crying for the first time ever someone saw me for well me. So i put them on i remember how amazing they felt as they hugged my body i felt the overwhelming rush of ashleys arms around me. She said you never have to cry just be your self fuck what others think, as i sobbed on her i remember inhaling the sweet scent of her or was it me we both smelled the same now. I actually threw away my tshirt and pants rocking hers. My hair was already super long in high school so she just comed it out. As she was combing it a teacher walked in looked at us and said get to class girls without even noticing and walked back out, that title felt so right i thought to my self but my face boiled red like lava out a volcano. Ashley just giggled and said see you look like a cute girl i remember looking at my self in the mirror amazed at this. It was no longer me but a beautiful girl staring back at me.! That started my road to becoming a girl and i never really looked back. Which brings me to recently i have decided to take the massive next step in my transition and finally get my legal name and gender changed! My best freind the girl from chapter 1 is helping me with it and im so grateful for it. She has helped me threw everything and now she's helping me with this big step i think even if i worked the rest of my life i could never repay her kindess completely but come this time next month ill no longer be Richard Wagner Male ill be Rachel Sky Female and i couldnt be more happy- rachel