Her Spirit Crying Out

feminization time girl?!

So recently my mind has been on a lot of things first and foremost as always is my feminization. Alot has recently happened in my life thats good but unfortunately good in my life happens to be a double edged sword. Recently over the last few days ive been going threw massive depression it happens to also be bordering on an eating disorder so ive been watching my self very careful. All this started a couple weeks ago when i got greenlit to start the next steps in my feminization process. Now we talked a little bit in the last chapter about the subconscious blocks that being a girl happens to have from being an out- cast too crying every day in the shower because i have the wrong body. As a result i knew i had to find an immediate soultion to these problems before they spun me further into depression after speaking with my hormone team, freinds in the community ,and my gender therapist one soultion became clear. Though i have start changing my body into a girls it was very tough to get my mind in the head space of a girl 24/7. The soultion to this was brainwashing specifically in the form of whats known as feminization hypnosis! It's a process trans girls go threw which removes there subconscious fears and helps them to act, walk ,talk,and feel like a girl full time and has to be done by the strictest of hypnotists specialists. Now this has been a tough problem and that stems from a couple reasons 1 though feminization hypnotherapy exists its very hard to track down a hypnotist who has perfected the art form and two they are not cheap. Which kind of brings me to the next massive point nothing in my transition has been easy but it also has been exspenive and for each new step im green lit to take the money sky rockets to achive it. So hypnotherapy actually requires multiple sessions and at $100 a pop it isn't cheap. That's nothing however compared to the next two steps im allowed to take which is my name change and laser hair removal but lets start with my name change while the price is fair it is also a lot of scratch to drop on a day. It costs 250 to actually change my name and another 250 to change my gender. Changing my name was something i wanted to do for years eversince i was little however finding the right name is fucking hard! I must have gone threw easily three dozen before i ended up with the name i have now. Nevertheless i eventually settled on rachel one because its a pretty name and two because its the opistite of my old name so it holds a special symbolism to me. As for my last name sky it is the most beautiful name in the world i would say worthy of a goddess name. The name makes me feel super femme every time i hear it so naturally it quickly became my last name. Now as for laser hair removal now we are talking massive amounts of money its roughly 150 a week for a year and a half!!! So thats a lot of money but something thats very necessary because no girl alive wants facial hair and no girl also wants to use makeup everyday to conceal it because we are always subconsciously worried someone can see it so we check it thousands of times a day to make sure we are set. This is diffcult because having this masculine feature does two things that pull you out of ur femme headspace. One if its noticable you no longer look like a cute girl u just look weird 2 the feel of it is ruff and jagged now a big part of are transtion is are body reshaped and are skin gets massivly softer this is something we love and just the feel of it can sometimes put us at ease when fighting are gender dysphoria. So i tend to get massively stressed out when i know part of me is masculine and it is rough. Now all of this being said while these battles are massively about money i have found soultions to some of them. Now ill still be doing hypno therapy but my gender team seemed to think it was a good idea to be more femme so they taught me how to walk like a girl like when im walking with serious confidence and dominance to walk one foot on front of the other heel to toe so my shoes click on the floor or when i want to walk with a cute glide walk one in front of the other just with only my toes conecting with the floor letting my hips swing as i step , and how to slightly highten my voice so i sound like a girl that was the most tricky to master. Next came singing like a girl that was tough to master changing my range was not easy and i still have some trouble when trying to sing to a male voice but im catching on quick. After that it was dressing more femme my team thought it was a good idea for me to wear something other than jeans and tees they suggested i buy a nightdress and new desiner panties. This wasnt to much of a set back financially so i did. Following that was my motions normaly i stood very masculine from years of first responder training i usally stood straight up with my hands behind my back in a postion known as at ease. So they suggested i try more femine stances from exstanding one leg a little farther and leaning on one side so my hip is out i couldnt belive how coftable standing like that was it blew me away my team said because my hips are forming changing from masculine to feminine poses would be more coftable and i agree with them. With that in mind i was then taught a ton of femme poses both for standing and for laying down each one i find makes me happy. Next was the little habits while most guys put there hands in there pockets girls tend to keep them crossed or at least in a postion out of clothing so my team said keeping this in mind slight femme moves are a good way to keep your hands busy like stroking a strand of hair behind my ear or playing with my hair or occasionally gently twisting my necklace i have found all of these steps to be thrilling and ive found since ive been femminizing a bit more my massive deppresion has faded and my appetite is starting to return to normal. Being feminized by my team was one of the best things i could have asked for!!!!!!- Rachel Sky