Music

Paper Hearts

I walk on the seaside holding a bottle with a letter inside of it. I held it tightly while looking at the calming sea.

I slowly walked up, feeling the cold breeze brushing through my skin and let the wind touch my hair. Seeing the sun setting up makes me feel calm.

I stop walking, closed my eyes and let my soul relaxed on this beautiful haven. But then her smile flashed on my mind. Her doll-like-eyes that always stare at me with admiration. Her brown orbs that melts me. Her blond hair, her perfect combed bangs. Her silly jokes. Her laughs. Her.

I held the bottle more tightly as if my life depends on it. I took a deep breath then slowly open my eyes, and then i saw her, standing not far from where i've standing.

"L-lisa..."

I mutter silently. Looking at her without blinking my eyes, afraid that if i closed it even just for a second she will be gone again.

I walk slowly towards her direction. She's smiling at me. My heart clench, but in a good way. God, how much i miss those eyes.

I raised my hand slowly, trying to reach her up. Smile slowly escape my lips aswell as my tears.

"Lisa, oh god."

And when i touch her, she vanished like a smoke that makes my heart skip a beat for a seconds. Now, my tears continuesly falling on my cheecks and my smile already replaced with a sob. I held my chest tightly, trying to ease the pain i've felt. I breakdown and sat on the ground, not minding if i get myself all wet because of the small waves that coming through me, i just want to release this pain. This fucking pain.

This hurts like hell.

I shut my eyes closed and cry loudly. Loud enough to ease this heavy thing on my chest. I fucking miss her, i fucking miss everything about her.

"L-lisa."

Its been four years since the last time i saw her, its been fuckin' four years and yet it still hurt like fucking hell.

Here, at the same place, when she told me that she needed space, that she can't take the pain that i've been giving her. She wants to go away and escape those news about me dating someone.

I didn't know that she felt something for me. I've been shock with her confession, i can't utter anything. I didn't expect it, i didn't expect too the happiness that i felt that time. I asked myself why, and before i can figure out why, she's already gone. And no one knows where she is.

After a month i broke up with my boyfriend, because i already realized where my heart belongs to. All those time i'm already inlove with her, but i just choose to deny it and keep myself believe that it was just a friendly-love. But it's not, it was real. And i genuinely felt it.

It's too late i know, but i choose to wait for her. Even it hurts.

I look at the bottle i was holding and smile bitterly. This is the tenth bottle this month and i can have charges now because of disposing waste on the sea. But this is not a waste on me, not for me.

Why am i doing this? Maybe you're wondering why i do this silly things. I know there's only 0.000000000001% that it'll land on her, this is even more impossible than winning a lotto.

I can't reach her through calls and text messages. Her friends doesn't know where she is, if she's okay, or if she's with someone new now. I bit my lip with that thought. I just hope there's none yet. I can't take it if there's someone new on her life now.

But i am a hopeless romatic. I still want to give her space like she wanted to, because i know she'll come back to me. I believe in her words. I believe in Lisa.

That's why here i am, throwing bottles with letters inside of it here on our private island, where we used to hang out together. Hoping that she'll recieve it and decided to come back to me again.

"Said you needed space so I gave you time. And four years gone by and in my mind, I'm thinking you're still mine."

I said while looking at the bottle, as if it was Lisa.

 "If my heart was paper I'd fold it. And i'll throw it to the wind and just hope it ends up with you. Because i signed it with love from me to you. You know, I tried to be cool but my feelings they don't allow me to. And now all that I ask, is that at least you write me back. I'm waiting, i'm still waiting for you. Because you know why? Because i love you."

I take a deep breath. Smile bitterly, and i throw the bottle into the sea as hard as i can.

I watched it slowly disapper in my eyes.

"Who am I to say what the future holds? But Lisa, missing and loving you is the only thing I know."

I said under my breath.

"That's good to hear then."

I froze on my spot. My heart skipped a beat, again for the second time because of the voice that came on my back.

That familiar voice, that fucking voice i'll never forget.

I slowly turn on my back, and there she is, standing all smile while holding a bottle with letter inside.

I gasped.

My eyes went blurry, i blink my eyes immedietely thinking that it was just my another illusion. But no, she's still there. Laughing at my reaction.

"L-lisa..."

I whiper.

"You know they can charge you because you're thr---"

"Lisa!"

I run immediately towards her and hug her tight as i can.

She just laugh and wrap her slender arms on my waist and lift up my body and turn me round and round. Oh god how i miss her tight embrace and warm body.

I can't take it anymore, i buried my face on her neck and cry myself out loud, she stops moving.

"Hey, stop crying. I'm here now."

"I...i-i miss you, i fucking miss you oh god."

I said between my sobs. She kissed my temples and wipe my tears using her thumb and then she look straight into my eyes. That doll eyes, brown orbs, they were screaming love and longing.

"I miss you too, god knows how much i miss you."

I bit my lip to surpress a smile.

"I...i thought you'll never come back to me again."

"No..."

She kissed my forehead.

"...i told you i'll come back. I just want to heal myself from the pain i've experience."

"I'm so sorry."

I utter with tears escaping my eyes.

"No you don't have to. Now that i know you love me too, and you waited for me, and you do this kind of stupid thing-"

She raised the bottle she was holding.

"-just for me, i never regret coming back. And i'm healed, fully healed and ready to love you again with all my heart. Because after all this year, it's still you, it's still you whom my heart was beating for."

I kissed her on the lips that makes her smile.

"I love you, Lisa. i love you so much. So fucking much. Thank you for coming back, thank you for still loving me."

"Thank you too, for waiting and loving me."

I hug her again tightly while tears still pouring on my cheecks, but now i know it was tears of joy. Joy because finally, after 4 years, she's finally back.

"By the way, where did you find that bottle?"

"Oh this? I found it when i came down on the boat i was riding. I accidentally step on it. You silly, you're so sweet you know."

She pinch my nose that makes us both laugh.

And now, i can't think better than this.

I love Lisa.

I love her so much together with my paper heart.